Never Say Never

Like most here I never felt I would have an affair or be unfaithful to my husband in any manner.  What can I say?  The right guy came along and I was very vulnerable.  I gave in and we quickly became an item.  My first affair lasted approximately five months and when we ended it I swore never again.  Well it happened again and I soon realized the extra had quickly become something I couldn’t do without.  I have voiced my dissatisfaction in the bedroom countless times to my husband but to no avail.  I would be climbing the walls without my lover.  He in fact does make me feel complete and fulfilled.  I felt a little guilt during the first affair but I suppose I have adapted.  I can honestly say I feel no remorse or guilt.  I never dreamed I would even consider a divorce but I have to admit now that thought is slowly creeping into the back of my mind.  I am quite comfortable, and satisfied currently so I really am in no hurry to end the marriage.  But I now well realize I will ultimately need to divorce my husband.

Fraidekat16 Fraidekat16
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 7, 2010

More and more women are cheating than ever before. And believe me extramarital sex is addictive. I'm not surprised you divorced. When it's over, it's over!

Thanks for your comments. I did end up divorcing my husband and I realize now it was the right thing to do.

It's interesting that most adulterers mistake the "high" they get from the affair as being in love, when really what they are experiencing is the cocktail of hormones that comes from this self-medicating behaviour. It's a dysfunctional way of dealing with the primary relationship, and if you and your husband were willing to learn the skills it takes to reconnect, then you wouldn't have to continue in this cycle, which is ultimately going to cause you and others significant hurt. Of course, right now, you're not going to believe me, because you're so caught up in the "high" that you're essentially acting out, going after the fix, and it's irresistible.<br />
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The other respondent is correct: if you feel no remorse and have no intentions of doing the work to repair your marriage and dealing with this affair, then you need to confess the affair and end the marriage; however, I would say that if you're not separating yourself from your husband now, then you probably still love him, but you don't know it -- at very least, if you wanted to evaluate your feelings, you need about 2 months completely separate from your husband and with a promise not to see other men during that time (something you are unlikely to be able to do, once faced with the emptiness that all adulterers have). I suggest reading a book called "Adultery: The Forgivable Sin" to learn how to end your marriage in the best possible way, if that is ultimately the path you are going to take.

I think you need to go ahead with your divorce. It sounds as if the marriage is over and divorce will be a new beginning for you. Besides, drop the husband and you can add as many lovers as you want. I for one have enjoyed my time as a divorcee.