In Love With Older Married Woman

We had been working together for at least 4 years. All this time I thought she was very beautiful and funny and charming, but I never thought about her in any way other than as a co-worker.Then a new guy came and worked at our job, and before anybody knew it, they were having an affair. She seemed happy for two years and then the guy quit. They were still seeing each other after because the guy would show up at our job every week and they would go out for "lunch". But even that started to slow down. That was when I stepped in. We had always been friendly and flirtatious with each other so when her previous affair started to fizzle out, it wasn't that hard for us to start seeing each other. The sex was incredible, the best I'd ever had. But in the process, we also got closer and closer emotionally. This was when I found out about her dickish husband. He wasn't physically abusive, but he was verbally and emotionally. I also found out that she had other affairs other than the one I have just described. She also told me that the reason her previous romance slowed down was that because his wife found out and that he wasn't as free to see her as much. Well and good for me, right? Not really...because while she was seeing me, every so often the guy would still come around our job and they would still go out for "lunch", which was killing me to no end, because I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with her and wanting her for myself. Then one day, she told him about me, and they totally stopped seeing each other. So, after this, we have been seeing each other for almost two years now, and in the process, she let me into her home, introduced me to her 12 year old son, with whom I am also getting emotionally attached to. Oh yeah, I should also mention that after she ended her relationship with this guy, she confessed to me that she was only using me to get over him. Any other self-respecting guy would have turned and run, right? Not me...dumbass that I am. You can say that I have no respect for myself, that I'm stupid for staying with her, I've heard it all before, and I don't care. Maybe I am just so in love with her that I don't care. So we're still seeing each other and every week it's the same thing. She always reminds me that I was just the rebound but at the same time, she also tells me that when and if she ever gets a divorce, she'd like for me to around, not to marry her, but because she knows I am good for her and that nobody else loves her like I do. Yeah, so I figure I'm being used, but as of right now, like I said, I don't care as long as I can still see her. One more thing...she's 51 years old and menopausal, so she's on this emotional roller coaster with her moods and sexual desire. So the sex has slowed down somewhat. And she says that she wants to stay in her marriage, not because she loves her husband, but because of her son. I don't know what else to write about, so for anybody reading this, feel free to comment or ask questions, because I'm really messed up right now...I am so depressed and in anguish about this that I've seriously started thinking about killing myself just to stop from getting hurt anymore. Dammit, I need help!
wumbojumbo wumbojumbo
41-45, M
Dec 3, 2012