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I After Infidelity-encouragement For Those Who Choose To Stay

Why I Started This Group...

By: thecheatedonISMOVINGON
Written on January 2nd, 2013
I started this group to give people like me....the ones who chose to stay after infidelity...a place to come and give and receive encouragement...I know from experience how difficult it is to STAY....i live with this everyday and am doing my best to honor that ...I need encouragement and love giving it....The more encouragement I give....the more encouraged and empowered it seems to make me...So...I hope that some other like-minded people will join this group of encouragement and encouragers....
By: thecheatedonISMOVINGON
Age: 36-40 , Female
244 people have read this story

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15 responses
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    MindfulLife
    MindfulLife

    Thank you for starting this group! I'm still working on my marriage after an affair two years ago. I will be honest - I stayed because I didn't want to hurt my kids. Sometimes I kick myself for that, but I was so paralyzed by hurt and fear that I didn't dare make any decisions at all in the state I was in. And I'm thankful that I stayed, so far. I've grown so much as a person from this experience. There are a handful of people (friends) who know what happened, and I do often wonder what they think of me - I've always said that I wouldn't tolerate infidelity. And I wonder if my close friends and family members will ever really forgive him, now that they know? It's not an easy road!

    May 2
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      thecheatedonISMOVINGON
      thecheatedonISMOVINGON

      you are welcome...feel free to add any stories and/or comments to the group..we all need it...encouragement for ourselves and others... ;-) hang in there...

      May 2
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    tropicalislandgirl
    tropicalislandgirl

    Thank you!! Too many stories of failures or advice of "Just leave already!" "Think of yourself!" "Kids aren't a good reason to stay". I've found though that there are beautiful stories of redemption out there too! It takes incredible strength to hang in there and work on a marriage that has lost it's way, but I guess that's the "for better or worse" part of the marriage vows. Thanks for starting this group!

    Apr 24
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      thecheatedonISMOVINGON
      thecheatedonISMOVINGON

      you are very welcome ;-)

      Apr 24
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    Enough55
    Enough55

    staying with a cheater is a very hard thing to do. Staying and sacrificing ones own happiness to keep the family and protect the children is even harder to do. But trying to stay when every part of you screams to leave instead of enduring this constant insult to keep the family together is one of the hardest things to do. It takes ALOT of strength and courage to endure this. To smile at him, others-friends, family, our own children, simply takes super strength on a day to day basis. I can't vouch that I have super strength but I do have support and understanding.

    Jan 4
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      melonball
      melonball

      Using your children as a crutch to stay and allowing them to view a toxic relationship is in no way helpful or healthy. Your teaching your children to value the life of someone at the expense of their own happiness. Endurance does not make you strong and Courage is obtained by steppingout of what is familar and risking the unknown

      Jan 4
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      Enough55
      Enough55

      This is true but believe it or not, my children are not a crutch. I am staying until I am ready to leave under my own terms. Does it get hard, yes. Do I need to vent? oh hell yess...but at the end of it all I know I am doing what is best for me and the family.

      Jan 4
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      hurtsobadinflorida
      hurtsobadinflorida

      I have realized that at the beginning of this process, my children were a big part of the decision to work it out. A month into it, I understand I need to think of them, but I need to think of me first. Do I still have love for their dad? I am enjoying him being back to the way he used to be when our relationship worked. However, he has created this feelings in me that I should have never experienced. And that needs to be resolved. Will I get over it? not sure. Only time will tell me. But for my sake and that of my children, I am trying to let go. Because the reality is whether we stay married or not, our relationship will never end. And if I have to ever start fresh again with someone else, I will not have them deal with unresolved issues from this relationship. The children will be alright. Me on the other hand, need to get there, so I can feel love, be loved and have peace of mind.

      Feb 18
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      thecheatedonISMOVINGON
      thecheatedonISMOVINGON

      You are right...we all..including me...have to decide for ourselves what is "the best thing." And everyone's answer is different because we are all different and so are our situations....yet, they are the same...For me...I don't really have an opinion about someone choosing to stay or to leave after infidelity...that is that person's choice...and whatever the choice is....if they feel it is the best one ...I support it...so in essence, I support you in what u have decided is best for u....I hope things work out for you..which I know they will...I am learning and continue to learn...TIME...and only TIME can and will heal these wounds.....thanks for ur comments and have a great day ;-)

      Feb 18
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    4thehealingofit
    4thehealingofit

    Thanks...some days I have enough strength to lend and some days I need to borrow. This has been one of the hardest weeks for me because he isn't even hiding it anymore. But there are 4 friends on EP I can always depend on...and you're one of them.

    Jan 4
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      thecheatedonISMOVINGON
      thecheatedonISMOVINGON

      Sorry that I am just getting ur comment....been having probs with my laptop for a while...but anyway...sorry to hear that ....again...I am keeping You lifted up in prayer...I really don't know exactly what to say....I have not experienced the "blatant disprespect"...but again...I will encourage u to stay strong and know that with each day....YOU get stronger and stronger...and one day....YOUR OWN DECISION...YOUR OWN ACTIONS ....just might shock YOU...stay positive, and I will talk to you later ;-)

      Jan 4
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      thecheatedonISMOVINGON
      thecheatedonISMOVINGON

      thanks ;-)

      Jan 8
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      hurtsobadinflorida
      hurtsobadinflorida

      You have to ask him to leave. No more options. You are not an option. He has to leave and you will see the light. If he wantsto stay, then the affair must end. And you have to be part of that. No more craziness. You are crazy if you let him continue with this mess.

      Feb 10
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    melonball
    melonball

    Staying with a cheating lying partner is not the hard route lol Having the self respect and courage to be honest is.

    Jan 3
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      thecheatedonISMOVINGON
      thecheatedonISMOVINGON

      ;-) thanks for ur comment

      Jan 4
      1 like