1-8-13-still Encouraging..but It Is What It Is

Today..today..today....grateful to be alive and well...tired of my surroundings...I feel happy in all other aspects of my life...but lacking what I need most of all.... a sense of love and security in my marriage...I basicly told him last nite that if I was the only one working on making our marriage work...I quit...(yep, I once again went to him to talk...as usual, he was ok with just riding it out-I guess-until I once again gave in)....told him that is not gonna be happening ....got into yet another argument and I told him I was done ...it is over...tired of going thru this sh*t....I walked away ..yet again...to bed alone ..but slept well--but not before I let him know that I feel like he doesn't care about me...or our marriage..he said I had no right to assume such a thing..blah blah blah.......I have no clue what is going on with me..with my marriage..but I know I am tired and worn today....I wanted..not expected...for him to come after me ...to fight for "us"....to show me that he loved me ..that he cares about making our marriage work....that didn't happen.....I wasn't disappointed...I did not expect that to happen..just wanted it to... So as for now....I am done ....I refuse to fight alone...If he wants this to work out ..he is gonna have to show me .....I just can't anymore...

I hope that my nite did not depress you too much or discourage you either....In my situation, I love my husband and want my marriage ...but I am prepared to walk away if he doesn't want this and/or cheats....Believe me, I know VERY well that my mind will probably change in the next day or so..probably even the next hour...I AM ENTITLED TO THAT BY THE WAY....but for now..in this moment....I am done....doesn't mean I won't continue to take care of myself, my kids....work, home, etc....just means that for now ...he won't be on my list of things to focus on....

So, after all that ...I still have to encourage you and myself at this point...after all, that is what I do and what this group is for....So let me leave you and I with this:
"Don't try to force anything. Let life be a deep let-go. See God opening millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds."
---Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

"What's right for most people in most situations isn't right for everyone in every situation."--Embeth David

And lastly...."Happiness and love are just a choice away."
--Leo Buscaglia

So til next time...I will stay POSITIVE and ENCOURAGED....I will continue to PUSH FORWARD.....you do the same ....xoxo and still ;-)ng (yep)

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1 Response Jan 8, 2013

When I read your story it almost seemed like something I could have written. My husband also likes to "ride it out" when I try to talk to him. It never seems to be a good time. In the evening he's too tired. In the morning he just needs to wake up and of course during the day on the weekends he keeps plenty busy so that isn't a good time either. I'm at the point where I just want to give up. I've been putting all the effort into this marriage and he's perfectly content to do nothing. What I need from him now more then anything is transparency & understanding. Instead I get anger and impatience. Nothing like this has ever happened to him so he could not possibly understand. According to him, I should have been over this the day after I found out about it. He gets angry when I question anything and fires back saying that he's never going to be able to redeem himself to make me feel guilty but really I'm realizing that it's manipulation to avoid answering to question. Did I mention that the cell phone never leaves his side. When I question that of course I'm trying to control him. I'm tired of this emotional abuse.. I'm slowly losing hope for my situation. I hope your situation improves. Stay strong.