01-15-13 Some Thoughts And Some Encouragement

Hi everyone..been on a bit of a hiatus...my stupid laptop is giving me unbelievable problems....anyway...hope u all are doing well and moving forward wherever you are at in your particular situation.....Today...rather tonite...I am gonna talk about decisions....I am learning that we sometimes have to make tough decisions whether we want to or not ....the past...the infidelity..it happened...now what? Do you stay or do you leave?....or do you go back and forth wrestling with yourself about that very thing? ....This one thing I do know...I want to be happy-as I am sure most, if not all of u, want the exact same thing ....I believe I deserve to be happy and that is what I desire in 2013 and beyond ....Every person is different...every situation is different ...every moment in time for each of us is different...Only you know what is best for u...and the same for myself....I wrote about how MENTALLY TOUGH you have to be to stay after infidelity...it is no freaking joke (literally)...ur mind--no...let me speak for myself....my mind is constantly bombarded by thoughts of the things that I know of...even more than that...the things that I don't know about ...almost taunt and torment daily....I am (or at least I feel like I am) in constant battle for my sanity, my sense of security....my sense of self-control....EVERYTHING ......I thought I was a strong person...but I don't think I am strong enough to continue through this ...though I don't want to give up....I feel I must...I don't want to be tormented any longer...Subsequently, I will be alone...but I feel alone already...and he is right here....What I am feeling is in no way a reflection of how I feel about marriage....I love marriage...family..and would love to have my family together...and be in a loving marriage....just not sure if that is possible...(anymore)

Enough of that .......I must now push on and encourage u guys and encourage myself in the process.....This is what I believe.....that everything we go through...it is all necessary...it is there to help mold and make us into a better person...that at the end of it all...we have learned some valuable LIFE LESSONS....which hopefully we can pass on to our friends, family and even strangers in need (someday)...I am not sure exactly how my story...correction...this chapter of my life will end..but "it ," (Infidelity) is not my whole life story, and I will not allow it to be. I AM NOT INFIDELITY, and it does not define who I am or who you are....

So I will leave you with these words tonight:
"LEARN from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, LIVE in the only moment of time over which you have any control: NOW. -----Denis Waitley
(That's what I am trying to do...I am more active and involved in things....and I love it...and like letting go and being free to just live in the moment...do things I never have or would have done before...it's freeing...)
And lastly...."The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph." -----Thomas Paine
(Reminding myself of this also...I know one day...I will be triumphant over all this crap, and it'll be nothing more than something that happened to me long ago in my life...something that had to take place in order for me to become the great and wonderful, strong and resilient person I am presently becoming ....

So...til the next time ...be blessed...STAY POSITIVE and ENCOURAGED.....XOXO
deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Jan 15, 2013

I am not my infidelity either and I am bound and determined to rise above it for my wife's sake.

Your post is good. However, remember, you cannot be responsible for someone else's bad choice. He chose to involve someone else, he chose to lie, sneak out, and do all things unthinkable to you, instead of talking to you or being honest about his feelings and leaving you if he was unhappy. You made the choice to stay. Only you can know if you have openness of mind to accept it happened and move forward to make things better.Only you know if he is worth it. Talk to your husband, express your feelings. It needs to be the battle of two now. No more loneliness. He needs to step up and help you heal.