I Alcohol Addiction
I know I shouldn't be expressing my story to the world, I have been told to stay quite. I have been living in a silent world where my voice is not allowed to be heard, I have never asked for help I've never asked for anything, but right at this very moment I am on bended knee I have pushed my pride aside for today and I'm telling my story as I have a right to be heard. I may be taking a risk but I can't keep it inside my heart anymore I need to let it go.... so to anyone who may read this I want you to know I am eternally thankful
I may not be wearing a camouflage uniform I haven't any medals I am not a British soldier, but I am on the frontline my home is my warzone, it's like I'm constantly on guard 24/7 it's my duty to be there for my family to protect them from the enemy... to keep the peace to keep them safe. The enemy is not a terrorist or a stranger it is my brother, and the evil inside of him is his addiction to alcohol. I know some people would roll their eyes at this story thinking it's just sibling rivalry & that it's just a faze and it will pass, but that is not the case I really wish it was, I have written this story in a diary no one has ever read it so I am putting my life on the line to tell you all today so please bare with me it's a little scary opening up my heart to the world when it's been under lock & key.... thinking back to our childhood we couldn't of wished for better parents they gave us the world! My brother to me back then he was delightful to be around. But then he hit the teen stage gained an attitude as you do and also gained a secret thirst for booze. I told my parents not to threat he just wanted to look good around his new friends. He had a drink on & off at friends houses and then parties & stuff, he'd never drink at home just in case he got caught. But when he left school due to having hassle he became another person. The little brother I knew was no more. I'd lost him.
He had a best friend who stuck by him I used to look after him when he was younger, he was more like family. He was a great lad and always did his best to guide my brother. Even though he was drinking little bits his friend always bought out the best in him and we got our brother back but it was only for those few minutes then when his friend left We'd loose him again. It's like his mate ignited a spark and put the life back into my brother but then the flame went out and the evil of alcohol took over once again.
My brother stopped seeing his friends he had a new one booze, he started drinking in his room and my parents thought it was safer than him going out & causing chaos in the streets instead it caused up raw in the house, it wasn't my home anymore. I stopped talking to him I moved out and had problems of my own I was going through a horrific time and became afraid of him too, so for 3 solid years he drank got into trouble, and became a living nightmare but now he's 19 years old and he's drinking vodka whisky rum neat! He drinks over 24 cans of cider beer and strong spirits every night every morning & all day, he doesn't wash he's lost all care and his temper is somewhat disturbing, he's caused complete devastation too my life and to everyone around him. He's violent abusive and has tried to hit my mother and I have stepped in to defend her and he's beaten me up. He's assaulted me many times he's also crept in when I was sleeping trying to strangle me. The amount of times I have been black and blue is countless. I've had a really tough life that I can't even begin to express but I have been there for my brother since day 1, I've taken time out of my life to guide support care for him. I have tried to intervene to get him to accept professional help but he only rebels. I'm thinking now telling you all this story the words don't come close to what's happening here it's a horrible place to be in.
I am in a place in my life where I am in a happy stable relationship my dreams have finally come true my partner is one in a million and he can see the strain my brother is putting us under. He's helped me to become fearless and to fight back against my brother. My partner supports me and my feelings where as my perfect parents are now taking my brother side in everything he does and says. I'm the innocent one but they too take there anger out on me because they are scared of my brother and afraid they will loose him if they react to him. My parents are under a lot of stress I understand that but I have feelings and I hurt to. And my brothers addiction to alcohol has effected me badly and I'm the one that has to re live it through my memory every day. I feel lost angry upset and alone because I'm doing my up most best to help and my family seem to be just vacant it's like I can see straight through them. I accept my brother has a problem I accept that my family love him and its there son and he's had a few minor problems but I've had some problems too but you don't see me abusing stealing hitting and attacking people, you don't see me smashing the house up, you don't see me partying till 4am and then continuing gulping down bottle of vodka neat one after the other. You may think we'll everyone is different very true but I would never dream of hurting my parents beating them up and abusing them. I have to wake up every day and seeing the stress fear and Strain on there faces, the lines of sacrifice etched in there skin,tears falling all the time.I have to be on guard I'm walking on eggshells. My brother is a raging alcoholic and he's an animal. I'm worried about his thoughts and feelings he says things of a unnatural nature to me, he talks about dark twisted things. I've even had nightmares about him killing me, he comes in to our room at night looking for money to steal he told me he wants me to die and would kill me if he was under the influence. So yeah I guess I'm on edge. But I'm no longer afraid and as much as he's family by blood I've had to break the chain. If there is anyone out there that is going through the same thing you will begin to accept that you can't help those that don't want to help them selves.I'm just a caring sister despite how poor he's treated me...I just wanted my old brother back I don't like the new one. My family is broken because of my brother. I never thought alcohol could be so evil I'm nearly 27 and its put me of drink all together.
One more thing... when our nana died he was drunk at the wake he was disgusting he didn't take one thought for us and for our loss. He lost nana too but he was too focused on booze! When my poor dad was in hospital with a brain haemorrhage he was drunk & smashing up the kitchen. The alcohol has taken his heart and soul he's a cold hollow man now and I never thought for one minute that this could happen to us, but my brother is not just killing my parents or me he's slowly killing himself the docter said he drinks enough for 4 people a night and one day he's going to drink himself to death. I hate to love my brother nowadays because he's chose alcohol over his family and because he turns on me and attacks me for no reason his addiction has devastated me beyond belief I've lost my little brother I can't love him anymore. And has for my brother he loves to hate me and I can't grasp the fact that he was once an angel and now he's a monster. I'm tired of staying quite from my parents commands I'm tired of crying myself to sleep afraid that my brother will kill himself, that he won't wake up. I'm tired of keeping an untold story inside my heart. I never thought he would turn into a horror of a human being like he is now. I'm disappointed ashamed and hurt. But most of all I've lost my brother my little bro and in his place dwells a stranger a dangerous evil soul, a dark heart an addict. Can't stop crying...sorry x
I may not be wearing a camouflage uniform I haven't any medals I am not a British soldier, but I am on the frontline my home is my warzone, it's like I'm constantly on guard 24/7 it's my duty to be there for my family to protect them from the enemy... to keep the peace to keep them safe. The enemy is not a terrorist or a stranger it is my brother, and the evil inside of him is his addiction to alcohol. I know some people would roll their eyes at this story thinking it's just sibling rivalry & that it's just a faze and it will pass, but that is not the case I really wish it was, I have written this story in a diary no one has ever read it so I am putting my life on the line to tell you all today so please bare with me it's a little scary opening up my heart to the world when it's been under lock & key.... thinking back to our childhood we couldn't of wished for better parents they gave us the world! My brother to me back then he was delightful to be around. But then he hit the teen stage gained an attitude as you do and also gained a secret thirst for booze. I told my parents not to threat he just wanted to look good around his new friends. He had a drink on & off at friends houses and then parties & stuff, he'd never drink at home just in case he got caught. But when he left school due to having hassle he became another person. The little brother I knew was no more. I'd lost him.
He had a best friend who stuck by him I used to look after him when he was younger, he was more like family. He was a great lad and always did his best to guide my brother. Even though he was drinking little bits his friend always bought out the best in him and we got our brother back but it was only for those few minutes then when his friend left We'd loose him again. It's like his mate ignited a spark and put the life back into my brother but then the flame went out and the evil of alcohol took over once again.
My brother stopped seeing his friends he had a new one booze, he started drinking in his room and my parents thought it was safer than him going out & causing chaos in the streets instead it caused up raw in the house, it wasn't my home anymore. I stopped talking to him I moved out and had problems of my own I was going through a horrific time and became afraid of him too, so for 3 solid years he drank got into trouble, and became a living nightmare but now he's 19 years old and he's drinking vodka whisky rum neat! He drinks over 24 cans of cider beer and strong spirits every night every morning & all day, he doesn't wash he's lost all care and his temper is somewhat disturbing, he's caused complete devastation too my life and to everyone around him. He's violent abusive and has tried to hit my mother and I have stepped in to defend her and he's beaten me up. He's assaulted me many times he's also crept in when I was sleeping trying to strangle me. The amount of times I have been black and blue is countless. I've had a really tough life that I can't even begin to express but I have been there for my brother since day 1, I've taken time out of my life to guide support care for him. I have tried to intervene to get him to accept professional help but he only rebels. I'm thinking now telling you all this story the words don't come close to what's happening here it's a horrible place to be in.
I am in a place in my life where I am in a happy stable relationship my dreams have finally come true my partner is one in a million and he can see the strain my brother is putting us under. He's helped me to become fearless and to fight back against my brother. My partner supports me and my feelings where as my perfect parents are now taking my brother side in everything he does and says. I'm the innocent one but they too take there anger out on me because they are scared of my brother and afraid they will loose him if they react to him. My parents are under a lot of stress I understand that but I have feelings and I hurt to. And my brothers addiction to alcohol has effected me badly and I'm the one that has to re live it through my memory every day. I feel lost angry upset and alone because I'm doing my up most best to help and my family seem to be just vacant it's like I can see straight through them. I accept my brother has a problem I accept that my family love him and its there son and he's had a few minor problems but I've had some problems too but you don't see me abusing stealing hitting and attacking people, you don't see me smashing the house up, you don't see me partying till 4am and then continuing gulping down bottle of vodka neat one after the other. You may think we'll everyone is different very true but I would never dream of hurting my parents beating them up and abusing them. I have to wake up every day and seeing the stress fear and Strain on there faces, the lines of sacrifice etched in there skin,tears falling all the time.I have to be on guard I'm walking on eggshells. My brother is a raging alcoholic and he's an animal. I'm worried about his thoughts and feelings he says things of a unnatural nature to me, he talks about dark twisted things. I've even had nightmares about him killing me, he comes in to our room at night looking for money to steal he told me he wants me to die and would kill me if he was under the influence. So yeah I guess I'm on edge. But I'm no longer afraid and as much as he's family by blood I've had to break the chain. If there is anyone out there that is going through the same thing you will begin to accept that you can't help those that don't want to help them selves.I'm just a caring sister despite how poor he's treated me...I just wanted my old brother back I don't like the new one. My family is broken because of my brother. I never thought alcohol could be so evil I'm nearly 27 and its put me of drink all together.
One more thing... when our nana died he was drunk at the wake he was disgusting he didn't take one thought for us and for our loss. He lost nana too but he was too focused on booze! When my poor dad was in hospital with a brain haemorrhage he was drunk & smashing up the kitchen. The alcohol has taken his heart and soul he's a cold hollow man now and I never thought for one minute that this could happen to us, but my brother is not just killing my parents or me he's slowly killing himself the docter said he drinks enough for 4 people a night and one day he's going to drink himself to death. I hate to love my brother nowadays because he's chose alcohol over his family and because he turns on me and attacks me for no reason his addiction has devastated me beyond belief I've lost my little brother I can't love him anymore. And has for my brother he loves to hate me and I can't grasp the fact that he was once an angel and now he's a monster. I'm tired of staying quite from my parents commands I'm tired of crying myself to sleep afraid that my brother will kill himself, that he won't wake up. I'm tired of keeping an untold story inside my heart. I never thought he would turn into a horror of a human being like he is now. I'm disappointed ashamed and hurt. But most of all I've lost my brother my little bro and in his place dwells a stranger a dangerous evil soul, a dark heart an addict. Can't stop crying...sorry x
By:
GracieBow1
Age:
26-30
,
Female
