Just Another Person Here

I can understand many other persons explanation of why and where their lives have gone wrong. I have thought about it over the years. There is no explanation of it. **** happens... We all have to deal. The important thing is that we can "alter" ourselves to deal as the rest of the human race has done. Please do not jump on me for the "altering" thing, there is a certain amount of altering we all must do.

You are who you are. In a world as complex as this, naturally, there are those of us who have difficulty "adapting". Living up to others expectations is not an option. Media has taken such a grasp on our lives and personae that we are not trying to live our own lives, but an idealized version that makes "sense".

There are many things I feel of ashamed of and looking at past decisions, there are not many things I am proud of. Looking back I have realized that I fought the "accepted" or "proper" or "popular" view. Is there any reason? No... there is not. That is how life is. Worthlessness has taken hold many times and has twisted me even further into well, me. The point is no matter how I try or wish for this to end.... I am still here. Fighting, challenging, living!!

Seeking redemption, finding peace, or giving up are my choices. Will religion or spirituality help? Maybe. Can we ever forgive ourselves? Not likely. I choose to accept my failings, suffer damnation, endure suffering, but enjoy the small part of life I can. I am lucky in that music is what endures me to the hostile world.

There is a reason to keep on keeping on... it may not be glamourous or exciting... but it is something that will empower you, help alleviate the pain, and with any luck make your life "un"worthless!!!