Almsot Died In Childbirth

This is just my experience with a close brush with death! Don't know if it's similar to what some other people have felt. Will be intersting to read some other people's stories but I thought a good place to start would be to wrtie mine out:

At the end of a long, problem filled labour with my one and only daughter, high forceps were used to yank her out. One inexperience registrar, using the wrong equipment, mixed with a bit of bad luck, equalled one big mess: a torn internal illiac artery. I lost blood frighteningly fast. My husband said it was like something out of a Saw Movie- blood squirting out furiously covereing everyone. It filled a bucket, went all over the floor, on the doctors hands, arms, legs, shoes, faces...*ew!*  It turned into a huge emergancy as you can imagine. I lost well over 2 litres of blood in a very short space of time before they could stop it.

Obviously, I lived, with the help of blood transfusions (thankyou to everyone out there who donates!!!).

Something on TV the other night got a lot of questions going round in my head. It was on a drama series and on it someone talked about dying; something like "Believe me, when you are lying there thinking you are taking your last breaths you don't sit there feeling glad that you chose to die happy. Because it hurts. Because dying SUCKS".  "No it doesn't" I said outloud without really thinking. Husband just looked at me like I was crazy lol. But for the last few nights I have been going over and over it. If I wouldn't say that dying 'hurts' or 'sucks', then what would I say?

For me, Dying was almost a feeling on it's own. I have not found words that can exactly describe what it felt like. It wasn't like it was in the movies or on TV, that's for sure! There were no angels or bright lights at the end of the tunnel. I didn't see my life flash before my eyes or turn to the burse next to me and choke out "my legs...*gasp*...they're so cold...". It didn't 'hurt' as such- though I imagine dying from blood loss is rather different than dying from a drug OD. It felt more like going numb- not the type of numb that you get when you're foot goes numb, but numb like your body is disappearing.

It felt, as weird as it sounds, natural. My blood, blood which keeps us alive, was pouring out from my body so fast, and my body knew it was dying.  It didn't feel like fighting or pain and panic- it felt like dying was the natural consequence of what was happening with the blood going so fast, and my body knew it. I wouldn't go as far as saying that I was calm because of course later on I felt horrified about what happened and still have nightmares and flashbacks about it. But it wasn't dramatic. It wasn't miraculous. It was just Dying.

Sometimes I feel like I belong to some special club or something of people that have had near death experiences. Like when I walk around I have this huge sign on my head saying "Almsot Died And A Bit Screwed Up From It". That you can see it in my eyes or something.  And so, 22 months later, after a particularly tough day, I googled "Is there a support group anywhere for people who have almost died?"...and I found this site!

I look forward to reading other people's stories just to maybe see if there are others who felt the same way I did and if anyone has any tips on how on earth you manage to get back to normal after something like this happens
:-)
jellybean03 jellybean03
22-25, F
Jul 17, 2010