From Ashen To Death And Back

I woke up middle nite around 3AM with extreem pain, thought it was gallbladder.  Wrong, turned out to Liver cancer.  Had a liver resection done, couldn't get it all because it was on the capsal of the liver.  I had asked my sister if I could borrow her daughter who had passed at 33 from cancer to help me thru this.  Her name was Dawn.  Remember this.  On with what happened.  Three days later my husband who came up to the hospital every day a three hour trip was about to leave our house when he got the call from the Doctors that I was dying and had to be interbated immediately and there was no DNR.  He said do what you can to save her.

Well, they did just that.  But, I went thru hell first.  They came in beat me on my back I guess to try and get me to breath better, but I kept passing back out.  They I heard the Dr. say her husband said save her.   Everyone out!  They held me down I was holding who I thought was a nurse, turned out to be one of the Doctors hand.  Then I knew what they did without any Vercet (which they give you before inabating you so you don't know what is happening) inabate me by first paralizing me so they could get the tube down to my lungs.  I was awake looking at this person whose hand I held and remember this: A hot tear drop came from my right eye, I held my breath because I knew if I let go it was over.  And It was.

They had a difficult time inserting the tube since I was still swollen from the surgery inabation. 

Now I was gone.  Very quick painless.  I had felt the most awesome utopia feeling ever.  Didn't care if I came back or went forward.  Then I saw a corner one angle wall was black the other angle off white.  I sorted headed towards the black a little to see and it seem to be getting clearer.  Then i switch to the off white angle and went towards that and it got foggier. 

Then a cold, cold air hit my lungs and I was back and awake.

Now my delemer is which wall would I have gone into if I had stayed dead a little longer.  What is the meaning of the two walls.  And why the utopia feeling first?  

Understand, I believe in God very strongly always have.  Have kids, dogs and a good husband.  And think I am a good caring person.  So, did anyone ever have this kind of experience or know what it means or where I can find out.

By the way remember Dawn.   Well, a nurse happen to pass my hospital room and just peak in and saw I was ashen and got the Doctors.  Her name was Dawn.

Forgive any spelling errors typing late and fast tx.

gojck gojck
2 Responses Dec 10, 2011

thank you

I am sorry you had to face cancer and I don't know what the walls mean but your post was interesting to read.