Overdose, Accidental

If you have read my other stories you know I'm a chronic pain sufferer. I have had this flare up for the past 3 or 4 weeks, no sleep, couldn't eat, had been (still am) bed bound. Well, unfortunately, I found out that tampering with my pain meds gave me pain relief, which for some strange reason was not happening when I took them as directed. Yesterday I was in excrutiating pain. And I kept taking pain killers over and over again until I felt something was really wrong. I thought I was going to die, my heart rate was so slow, I was having trouble breathing, and I had to fight really hard the urge to just give in to sleep. I didn't sleep for the fear of not waking up. I cried so much, thinking of my mom and all the people that love me. I prayed to God to let me live all night. Somehow, I survived, and it made me realize that I don't want to kill myself, I just want the pain to stop. I still cry when I remember last night, the thought of not being able to see my mom anymore, of not being able to talk to her, hug her, it pains me so much inside. I am still recovering. I still have physical pain but I'm being much more careful with how many painkillers I take. I was given a second chance, again, and I will try my best to get better so I can have a life, I am still young, I don't have kids, but who knows, I might have a long life (or not, I don't have a crystal ball, but I will try to make every moment count). Last night's experience change my world radically. Thank you for reading. God bless.

isuckateverything isuckateverything
31-35, F
Mar 13, 2010