Came Very Close To It.

I went through a time in my life, probably when i was 12-14 when i had a major disorder of being depressed or something.. I literally came very close to killing myself, i would cut myself with scissors or pencil on my wrist, and slap a rubberband on my wrist cause my mind was just going crazy, everything bad was happening to me, i became pretty poor.. my parents were having a hard time affording things, and still are but it has gotten better, my sister got into drugs and all those issues and rumors were being spread about me at school, i was loosing "friends" i thought i would never loose my parents were fighting a lot and i just thought i had the worst life in the world, so i went in my closet, and almost tried to hang myself when i was probably only 12 or 13 but something stopped me.. I was very very close.. i had the rope wrapped around my neck and everything and then i got a thought, "maybe i shouldnt do this.. i am still young and things could change.." so it took me a lil bit to take the rope off me but eventually i did.. then a lil later in life i thought about overdosing.. but something stops me every time.. and thats that i know i can beat this, nothing stays the same forever, so i stopped thinking about suicidal thoughts, but i have to admit they still do sometimes cross my mind, but rather then that i just get these crazy thoughts of running away, but then its like where the hell could i possibly go? idk, i just feel like no one cares, and if i did something then maybe it would wake the people up around me, but life has gotten a lot better then where it was before.. i do still suffer with a lot and the social anxiety really kills me.. thats why i would really appreciate it, if i could overcome it, i just dont know how.. I would love to seek help from someone, trust me i would. My mom just doesnt think i need it, but little does she know how much im dying inside..