Speechless

I know these problems seem small compared to alot of people in the world but recently they have seemed to grow and become alot more dominate in my life. I have always been shy but as i grow older and everyone else is growing out of these habits i seem to be holding them. This might be a bit all over the place because i am still very confused about how i feel about everything.


I am finding it really hard to communicate with people like when i meet someone new i can say the basics in a conversation but after that i am left speechless with nothing to say to them. I really need to be comfortable around some one before i can open up and start talking but it is hard to get comfortable with someone if they dont want to be with you because you dont talk. When im around other people i do things without thinking and just end up looking like an idiot, i will just start bending down for no reason and i always scratch my nose.

At school i feel like i dont belong anywhere, i am friends with alot of people but i dont have any best friends which actually has an impact on me. While every one else has there groups i am just a tag along and i find i have to invite myself to things if i wanna do stuff outside of school. I am constantly lying about my life and i cannot stop it.

Recently i have been starting to go out and drink with people and i am finding when i drink i am just like every on else. I can talk to people even when i have just had acouple. I am worried that this is making me reliant on alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic but he will not admit it, he is a great person and he is not violent in anyway i am very lucky to have him but he drinks pretty much every day. I dont want to become like this.

Is this normal? Are there ways to overcome it because i feel that it is holding me back from so many things

Fordner Fordner
18-21
2 Responses Mar 14, 2009

You have no idea how many people in the world, more importantly the ones you are always around,<br />
that suffer as you do but you feel you have to try so hard to hide it. They do too. And of course there are good and bad around but none of them is better than you, I promise,. I could be your mother,<br />
so I have been around a lot longer and I have never forgotten how it felt to feel like you do now. I'm just going to throw some examples out here to see if it sounds familiar. <br />
But first I truly hope you make a try without the alcohol. My father was an alcoholic also. When in school and was young like yoy now I would drink every now and then and things would be socially great.I did not become an alcohlic till after a car accident in my early thirties, The pain was bad, I was suddenly phobic to drive so I hurt and had panic attacks too because I had a young child and <br />
a husband who worked where wives are judged as well as my husband. I did not want to get addicted to painkillers, began with chablis and Excedrin before long gin and tonics. I came to a point I knew and I od' on pills( it does not work) Icontinued to drink lost all inhibitions and was a real hard person to live with. I did the od stuff till I finally got sober. It just landed me in rehab every time.<br />
I've said too much but It;s really even messier. My ADHD (did'nt know about it) became full blown after I got sober . So now I'm treated even though I refused at first. When I finally got on medication and treatment I was horrified how I had let everything go, a lot of yukky stuff that happens if you are in your fifties and people are as skeptical as I would have been. I think what kept me off drugs was the ADHD lurking around in me because I thought they were useless I never got high and said ...I'm talking way too much here and I don't want to confuse you or upset you but I ramble because of the AD. I remember it well, how bad it bothered me when I was your age, and realized I was not letting people be my friend because I was standoffish. I did not think I looked good. I did<br />
but it was much later when I found out. I was the same when grown but you Will get to a point of handling yourself better. What you said about getting along just fine when you drank was what caught my attention. Sorry! You are not inhibited ehen you drink but if you ever start using it to get along you will become dependent and you'll really have troubles then. I am not labeling or judging you in any way, it's just I remember all the years I wasted and people would sometimes think I was stuck up, when I was really just unable to make the first move towards another person. <br />
I know you think an old lady can't possibly know how you feel. Crushes on guys omg I would avoid them like the plague. It's tougher being a teen now than ever I think but when I was in your place I promise that I know exactly how tou feel. It's really hard but nobody can change it but you. <br />
There are lots of young people on ep and before you know it you will be talking to plenty of them,<br />
they will be able to help you more but if you have a problem you can send me a message. Meanwhile I wish you all the luck and happiness I can, and wish I could be younger but never my teens! It was awful! Take Care, BCBoomer58

nope, your perfectly fine. I do the same thing, expect i don't drink alcohol to loosen up. Eventually as i got older i found ways to just do things on my own for myself. I was happy, and it turned out A LOT of people did things i wanted to do. And when i didn't want to talk, they understood. Try looking up the word "Introvert." it might explain a few things.