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I Am Always Blaming Myself.

Ever since I can remember I always take the blame whenever I have gotten into a fight with a friend. I don't know why I always blamed myself for it, maybe because it was just easier to take the blame instead of having to talk it with them. Years of constantly blaming myself for problems in my life with my father and friends has lowered my self esteem a lot. Since this anonymous, I will say that I have tried committing suicide in the past for problems with a close friend, but I have been through a lot as a child. I was put in foster homes till I was 10 because my mother abused when I was three years old. That could have been another reason why I blame myself. Recently I moved in with a close friend of mine and her family and we got into a small fight, but now we haven't talked for over a month. I have tried to talk with her, but its like I don't exist and I blame myself for it, like I could have been a better and more compassionate friend. I feel like I should have been perfect to her...and its so hard to live with a friend and her family when you know they don't want to speak with you or notice that you live there. I'm realizing though that I can't put the blame on myself, its not rational and only leads to more self destructive thoughts. I'm doing the best I can to just live with what happened and hoping to become a more confident and find friends who are positive and understanding. Any ideas on what I should do to stop blaming myself?
kesiegel2009 kesiegel2009 18-21, F Feb 2, 2011

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