....and I Am In The Situation NowHave been for 5 years. Same woman. What the eff is wrong with me? I left a 23 year relationship 5 years ago, because I fell in love again "with someone unavailable"....someone who loves me as a friend, and once upon a time she almost left her relationship for me.
Yeah, I was in a LTR> I fell for her and she had a boyfriend at the time, and was straight...with bisexual tendencies. Eventually she fell in love with or just became attached to me. Our sex life was never great, only in the first few months. Look how long I stayed with her! We decided to be non monogamous with eyes open that one of us could fall for another. Well, after 23 years, it did happen to me.
Now, I just want to get rid of this feeling. You wouldn't believe all the different things I have tried, including "emotional liposuction"...(.that's a whole nother story)
I wish I understood why I can't stop loving my friend. Maybe if I knew why, I could find a way to move on. Most days I am ok, but days like today I just get lost in the feeling. It doesn't help that I work at home. I do reach out to people and my friends, I stay busy. But not busy enough to lose my emotions. I fear the only way to really move on is to cut her off entirely. I haven't been able to do that, and we have promised each other we will love each other and be friends for life. Maybe if I move out of state, I won't see her or be in touch as often and that will do it. I won't have to break my promise that way.
I think I am a really sick ticket.
I feel like this is just whining, that I should just buck the F up and get over it. I have decided that before I see her I need to do a ritual of sorts to stay detached. That is my current thinking, I will try hypnosis tapes or something to become detached.