....and I Am In The Situation Now

Have been for 5 years.  Same woman.  What the eff is wrong with me?  I left a 23 year relationship 5 years ago, because I fell in love again "with someone unavailable"....someone who loves me as a friend, and once upon a time she almost left her relationship for me.  
Yeah, I was in a LTR> I fell for her and she had a boyfriend at the time, and was straight...with bisexual tendencies.  Eventually she fell in love with or just became attached to me.  Our sex life was never great, only in the first few months.  Look how long I stayed with her!  We decided to be non monogamous with eyes open that one of us could fall for another.  Well, after 23 years, it did happen to me.  
Now, I just want to get rid of this feeling.  You wouldn't believe all the different things I have tried, including "emotional liposuction"...(.that's a whole nother story)  
I wish I understood why I can't stop loving my friend. Maybe if I knew why, I could find a way to move on.  Most days I am ok, but days like today I just get lost in the feeling.  It doesn't help that I work at home.  I do reach out to people and my friends, I stay busy.  But not busy enough to lose my emotions.  I fear the only way to really move on is to cut her off entirely.  I haven't been able to do that, and we have promised each other we will love each other and be friends for life.  Maybe if I move out of state, I won't see her or be in touch as often and that will do it.  I won't have to break my promise that way.  
I think I am a really sick ticket.  
I feel like this is just whining, that I should just buck the F up and get over it.  I have decided that before I see her I need to do a ritual of sorts to stay detached.  That is my current thinking, I will try hypnosis tapes or something to become detached.  

Icarus2006 Icarus2006
51-55, F
3 Responses Jul 13, 2011

533K3R-<br />
Thank you for responding. Yes, it is a year later. I do understand that we are energy, and that the energy that connects us is very real. Thank you for sharing your story, and for sending me the advice. I am in a stronger place now. I still love my friend, but I have been able to distance myself internally so that I can still give/send her love. I had a reading about a year ago that revealed some past life karma with this person. I do believe I still need to be in her life in some way. My circumstances have changed so that I will be moving out of state. I have been able to focus on this, and to realize that the love I feel can still be expressed in ways that do not hurt me and hopefully still give her some of the love I want to give her, and that I feel she needs. She is in a relationship that doesn't meet her needs, yet she is attached to it. My hope is that I can still be there for her when she needs me, and that she can find some happiness.

One more thing... when or if you do this energy work the person you are cutting off will notice, they will attempt to contact you, even flirt, they have no idea why but their thoughts will drift your way... this is because the energy connecting you and them is very real and they will feel saddened that the connection is weakening... partially because they fear loosing your friendship but a bigger part is that humans are energy beings and when you send extra energy to someone they consume it... when the flow lessens they themselves feel weaker they attempt to reopen the channel so they feel more happy... this isn't a greedy action it is the laws of the universe.... you have to get over this energy hump before you decide to increase the flow... if ever...

I have been sensitive to energies my whole life. One thing I noticed is that us humans create energy connections with our emotions... if one person is pumping energy in and another is not then a situation like yours may arise. I had a similar situation about 8 months ago I ended it with a binding energy ritual. I had been feeling energetically drained for years and I finally had enough.... u have to center yourself around your energy being projected to this person... like those times you just sit and imagine having them the way you always wanted... that is you sending energy to them... once you isolate this energy you can do a few things with it... you can imagine a chord which bridges you to them where the energy is transferred.. what I did is tie the chord in a knot, this greatly slowed any energy I was able to send them... over time my mind adjusted to the lesser energy being transfered. I can relate this feeling to running on a treadmill at a slow jog and always wanting it to be a little faster. This allowed me to stay friends and have control over how much energy is sent their way.... if you want to end it period you cut the chord but be sure you wish to end it because cutting the chord will not be reversable.. you can tie them back together but you will never feel a connection like you had before.... I did this with a dysfunctional relationship that I attempted to patch over and over I was never able to enjoy his presence again.... I prefer in most cases to tie the knot just because it isn't permanent and I feel like I still have my connection when I am not trying to completely cut people off... I already have a problem doing that as it is.... good luck if u haven't figured out a solution already... these situations can be tough, one other thing I had to do was look deep inside myself... turned out a part of me fears close connections so wanting someone I couldn't have made it so I could sit idling by without feeling like my life is being wasted... something within me searched for men I couldn't have....