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Emotionally Unavailable

Yup, I can sure pick them.  I married someone who was emotionally unavailable. 

I fell in love with a guy who was emotionally unavailable.

I recently dated someone who was emotionally unavailable.

None of these men hate me.  Two of them loved me.  The other guy liked me. 

Now I'm questioning if I'm emotionally unavailable too since that's the kind of man I seem to be drawn to these days.

It's like I want to sabotage myself.  Fall for or date someone you know you can't have. 
Mahal1023 Mahal1023 46-50, F 4 Responses Sep 9, 2011

Your Response


I can somehow relate to your feeling. My suggestion start with trying to make friends first. Possibly looking in to something that you enjoy and feel comfortable with by volunteering. That way you can meet people with the same type of interests as your self. Good luck.

Thank you. I always start off becoming friends first. I wrote this a year ago and I seem to be consistent. :(

May I ask you something, I don't want to upset you, but what do you mean by consistent.
If you mean that friendship also don't last, I have the same feeling as you.

When you like someone who's unavailable stop seeing that person as soon as you find out. How can you become better and quicker at screening these people out? And before getting involved and going on more than a few dates. How do you know, what behavior, words, dating history, gives away someone who is unavailable? Make a list. Do the same for characteristics that you'd like and that indicate availability. You might be used to unavailable people and because it feels familiar it feels comfortable. To break with this for good, think about your past marriage and how you suffered with a partner who wasn't available. You don't want that again. Falling in love is usually more about hormones/chemistry than about making a good partner choice. I'm sure you can find an available man whom you feel chemistry with. Don't get involved before you absolutely know he's really available. Because you have so much experience with unavailable people, you can quickly become an expert at screening them out. Good luck.

Sun1234, those are good suggestions. Easier said than done because as you should know men are attentive and will share their heart with you at first and once you've fallen for them sometimes things change.

my experience exactly! And yes I believe we do it because we are drawn to what we feel familiar to change it? Gosh I wish I knew, but if I do find out I'll surely let you know. :)

Yes, it does. Any suggestions?? Should I add that I'm lusting after someone that is emotionally available???

sucks, doesn't it?