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The Wrong Guy...my Best Friend...

 Hey there! First, I just have to comment on what a cool site this is! Hi all!

My story: My best friend and I have been in a sexual affair for the last four months. He has a girlfriend though who he has an unhealthy on-and-of relationship with. Despite our affair, I have made it a point to be there for him as a friend, first and foremost. I have even helped him out several times with this relationship of his (completely unbiased and only with the best intentions for him in mind). The thing is, when we started this thing between us, it was just purely sexual and I thought it would always stay this way. Boy was I wrong though. I am either falling for him or am in love with him. Whichever one it is, I know for sure that my feelings for him have grown... very strong. The sad thing though is that, I know we can never ever be together, even if he breaks it of with his girlfriend, we just can never be. I really need help! Should I be honest about it and fess up to him? The thing that scares me about this is the risk of losing him, losing what we have, and losing him as my best friend. Any other suggestions. I'd really appreciate any advice you guys can give, any at all! Thanks a bunch!

methinkhappythoughts methinkhappythoughts 22-25 1 Response Jun 19, 2008

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My first advice is: get yourself tested for STS's/AIDS right away. Having sex with cheaters is like playing russian roulette with your crotch. Maybe they're telling you the truth and you're their only other partner, but don't bloody well bet on it.



My second advice is: If you want to know how he really feels about you.....you should come clean to his girlfriend. If you're really curious about the exact nature of his feelings..... then I suggest you call her and spill the beans at a time when you know he's in the house with her.



The fact that he's using you to cheat on his girlfriend indicates that he sees you as a defenseless, ignorant victim and not anything like a friend.



If you don't believe me then you don't know anything about men. When a committed man's female "friend" is so desperate for attention she's willing to have casual sex just because he asks for it..... She's automatically a "ho" in his eyes. At that point there really isn't any way for him to feel respect for her. That's not how you earn a man's respect or admiration. She obviously lacks the ability to say "no" to a man or hold him to any standard of behavior.



A woman worthy of his respect would never stoop for his benefit. She would have no problem telling a shameless person like him exactly where he could put his "friendship." A woman worthy of respect knows that she has value. She demands to be treated that way by any and all the people she chooses to associate with. She doesn't have a problem cutting worthless people out of her life. She knows what genuine love and integrity means, and she won't compromise for men who clearly don't deserve her confidence,



You're doing him a favor by doing this. "Enabling" one person to pull a con act on someone else (especially someone they claim to love) is neither friendly nor helpful nor morally right. I can tell you that pretty much all his relationship problems result, in one way or another, from his incapacity to be truthful and genuine. No advice you can give him will help when he can't respect or be truthful to people he supposedly care about. (he won't see it that way....)



If you want to be a true friend you'll encourage him to do the right thing by calling him out in his bull$hit lies. Doing it in a way he can't continue his campaign of lies. That's what any good parent would do with their children and that's what a true friend would do for another friend. Encourage them to live an honest lifestyle and respect other's feelings, which he is NOT doing.