Me

I always feel like people only have conditional love for me. That they can turn it on and off at will. Right now I am struggling with my husband. He has some inner healing needed, and in the mean time, he is taking things out on me. This just dredges up my feelings of negative self-worth and sadness. I have depression and anxiety. I can't help but be constantly on gaurd for him to break my heart. Even though we have been married for almost 6 years. We have three awesome kids together...I still fear one day he will up and leave. And I cant seem to get rid of that feeling. No matter how much I try to convince myself, it still haunts my dreams and my thoughts. Any sound advice would be awesome.

Thanks

lisagroulx lisagroulx
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 11, 2009

I can really relate to you on this. My husband has withhold his love for me for 12 years and in turn it really hurt my self esteem. & I begun to feel not worthy of love & appreciation from anyone, & I too feel that I have to really guard my feelings cause when he wants to , he can be very wicked & rally hurt me.

I've found that when you love and respect yourself, people will come to feel the same about you. most of us tend to look to other people for acceptance, and if you don't accept yourself for who you are and can't be happy or secure in that, noone else will. I had to find this out the hard way for myself. Once I decided that I loved myself for who I was, by that I mean look at the good things about your self that people seem to admire you the most for, like having a good heart, doing the right thing for yourself or for those who depend on you, and doing what ever it is that makes you happy no matter what anyone else thinks. No one else can live your life for you. Be happy and secure in the choices that you make and learn from the choices that weren't so great. accept the ones that weren't good and remember the next time what the outcome from that was, in doing that you will do the right thing for yourself. that's how we become who we are, life is a constant learning process. you are human and you will make mistakes. The thing is to learn something from it and make something positive for yourself from it. stay true to yourself and how you view things, and people will respect you for standing your ground. Also remember that you can't make everyone happy, don't waste your time trying. not everyone will see or understand or agree with everything you do, but if you know in your heart that it's what's right for you then it won't matter. they will accept you or they won't.You have to accept yourself first, and once you truly have, what anyone else thinks won't matter. By the same token you have to respect other people's views and standpoints even if you don't agree with them. It's okay to agree to disagree. this is what makes us the unique individuals that we all are.