I Will Never Be Good Enough To Anybody. Ever.

I am NEVER EVER gonna make my parents proud. My dad left me, now he wants me back, but for what? He lives in australia! I live in AMERICA. My stepdad is amazing, but he has 3 sons and a daughter. My mom has 2 daughters (me and my sis) like 31,30, 20 something, 14 and 18. I'm just. The youngest. They 31 and 30 and stuff are all SUCCESSFUL. my sister is going to college! a scholarship! shes going into buisness! WHAT AM I GONNA DO? She got scholarships to ALL her schools! She was the PRESIDENT of red cross club in her school, she volunteers every day! She perfect! She nice and a shining personality! What do I have? A pillow and a computer?! ANYTHING I will EVER do will ALWAYS be something my sister already did! I got into the same school as her, no one cares! It's not the better school. I am a DISSAPOINTMENT to the family. Ask my mom :l Ask my stepdad. go ahead. Because I'm not perfect, I dont get straight A+ so I'm not perfect. So what? Its a big deal. My sister is perfect why am I not? My mom brags about my SISTER. what about me? "Oh she isn't as great...." I CAN HEAR YOU. I am alone and lonely inside and sad. In real life I truly am happy a lot, but then I realize, what is gonna happen, what am I gonna do? i dont know what i wanna be when I grow up and I'm NEVER gonna EVER be good enough! I can't type anymore. Tears are streaming down my face. I'm crying. i'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not good enough. For ANYTHING. I make mistakes. I always regret, but its a big deal to everyone else around me! NO ONE CARES. Is echoing in my head. I should just die. I try to help others, Its successful but, I'm alone and sad and just grumpy insdie and I don't know what to do. I never do!! I AM A FAILURE IN LIFE AND I ALWAYS WILL BE! ALWAYS! I am insecure, I'm ugly, I'm horrifying! I'm insecure, I have a different fashion sense and I'm good at NOTHING! I WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS ANYBODY OUT THERE AND SKUNKS ARE BETTER THAN ME. thats how much of a failure I am. To myself and my family and my aprents and my siblings! I'm the youngest and nobody understands me. i'm invisible half the time. I hate my life.
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2013

I always feel like my relationships are not good enough for my parents. Like he's not a lawyer or doctor. And when he is, then he's not nice or this or that. It is really frustrating for me because I am 27 years old and my parents still have such an impact on me and my relationships.