always ugly

Ever since I was little I was ugly. I have a huge forehead and a giant nose. I did what I could but it ddnt help much. I was always teased about my looks. After a while I got used to it. I never cried about it tho. Its not like ppl were telling me anything I ddnt alredy kno. The fact that im black dsnt help either. I hate being this way (ugly) I luv being blk, I just dnt like many ppls reactions. To b honest many blk women are not very attractive, im one of them. High school was terrible. I did a lot of things I ddnt want to inorder to fit in. when I got my first boyfriend I did a lot of things I ddnt want to so hed stay with me. But id only go so far. When I said no he dumped me. The next one I thot was great. Too bad he loved some pretty girl. And no matter what he said or did I wasn’t her. She was better than me. So I let him go. The last one was ok. Better than nothing I guess. He wasn’t the nicest to me tho. So he dumped me b4 long. But he made sure that no one knew about us in the first place so I wudnt “embarrass” him so it ddnt matter. Now im a lot smarter and ive learned to keep ppl at a distance. I have plenty of frends although they tease me too. But its alright. Im used to it. Sometimes being ugly is lonely. Your not invited to do many things and theres no dating or anything to do. Im starting to get used to that too. I love to read and a book would never judge me by my cover. Over the years I guess I did get a little mean. But I think ppl use that as an excuse. If they teased me b4 I was mean(not that much) they would after.

 

I doubt I will ever accept being ugly but ill live with it. i will gladly stay by myself for the rest of my life if I dnt hav to feel that way again. I felt so bad. It was worse than feeling ugly for a day. I guess in the end I shud b happy that im not pretty becuz I see a lot of the pretty girls get hurt. I dnt think I cud deal with that a lot. But at least at one point they were wanted and loved and have good memories. In a few years im hoping to get plastic surgery for my nose. But I dnt hav the money… im only 16. My mom might help me out tho.

 

I dnt want anyones pity or anything. If u comment u do, if not then whatever. Thx for reading tho

kenosis1 kenosis1
18-21, F
5 Responses Feb 8, 2010

What I wrote earlier is very true. My response was already so lengthy I did not want it to be a book. I am considerably older than the two of you, but at the same time I am very young. I look, act and think young. I can relate to the feeling ugly. Sometimes it is just mental, you are not ugly but depression can make you feel and think things that simply are not true! My entire life I always felt ugly, and I still do sometimes. But the funny things is I know this is not true that it is just my my mind. I say this because my entire life and even now people are always telling me how beautiful I am, constantly on a daily basis. I mean men, women, and children, I had a kid the other day ask me if I was a movie star, because he thinks he saw me on tv. I used to feel very seff conscience when people would star at me and I was sexually abused so many times by so many different men as a child, I was painfully shy until I was in my mid 20's. I try to look my best every day, but when I look in the mirror I see just a regulay person and sometimes I see an ugly person. I have to remind myself that what ever it is I think I see, it isnt true, because if I were physically ugly I would not be told constantly how beautiful I am. I cannot allow whatever this is that makes my eyes see something different than what is there. I guess it is like people with eating disorders, they are a skeleton and they look in the mirror and see someone that is fat so they keep starving themselves to lose more weight. I really think that my problems came from being sexually abused as a child from as far back as I can remember, by many different men. I just thank God that I know I cannot undo this, but I can stop it from destroying my life.

Hey, I feel the same way about myself. I hate my nose, my body. It sucks, because I feel I am an amazing person and I am just hiding and trying not to be seen because I feel so amazingly ugly. I never even had a boyfriend because I'd be too embarrassed for him to like me: or ill think, why do you like me? you want me for sex only? or something like that. I will change though, I have had enough of my unhappiness and I will save up all the money I have to get plastic surgery. I know many people see it as negative, but I am 20 years old, and i have done nothing because i never want to be seen, i stay at home and i am always depressed....I need a change, I'm sick of it. Thanks for your post, I am not alone.

Your story breaks my heart. Unfortunatley we live in a world that physical beauty is viewed as more important than other virtues. Inner beauty is a quality that you are not born with you must develope it. Believe it or not, there are people who will look beyond the outer shell and into your heart to see what is held there. You may have to wait a while to find people (males) who are not so shallow as to stop at your physical attributes or lack there of, but they are out there. You are very young and the young guys are immature, most of them, and they do not have the wisdom to see beyond outer beauty. Sure most of us want to date, marry and have children. If that is what you desire then while you are growing up set your focus on acheiving the things you want in life that you want such as an education, etc. Surround yourself with quality people to befriend and have platonic fun with. Develope a close relationship with your heavenly father and let Him know the desires of your heart. Wait on Him who loves you more than you know. Your happiness is important to him. Seek Him first and all other things shall be addes unto you.<br />
You sound like an intelligent person. Rise above your circumstances! You can consult with a make up person and find ways that maybe you can play up your good features like your eyes, cheekbones, lips etc. Consult a hair dresser for hair styles that will help to compliment your good facial features and hide the ones you dont like. A big forehead can easily be hidden with hair styles. Sure when you are financially able, you can get the plastic surgery to have your nose taken care of. I think that is fine and you should do it if you are not satisfied with it. Oprah WInfrey is very beautiful on her show, but have you ever seen her without her hair and make up? She is not a natural beauty, but is proof of what the right hair and make up can do to make you beautiful on the outside. Most of the celebs are not naturally beautiful, it is all hair and make up. Please do not despair! I wish I knew who you were and you lived near me so I could personally show you how to do the things I have shared with you. I wish you well and keep us posted on your progress!

i guess this was a little rude. ill put an actual story up a little later.

that's simply not true!end of story.