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Little Secret Crushes Delight

I have many little crushes throughout daily life. I am not alone in this. Others do also. We see qualities in other people that trigger more than intellectual curiosity or aesthetic impression That certain smile, that lingering eye contact, that little flip of hair, a certain shape, an outfit or jewelry that seems to speak to me. A person I see everyday, once a week, or every once in a while that trigger a little leap in my heart that the person standing next to her does not.

Women who look right through me without ever noticing me never become crushes of mine. There has to be some human connection or acknowledgement, even if the crush part is solely in my head and my heart.

I wouldn’t put anyone I haven’t seen or spoken with in more than 6 months in the category of “secret crushes.” Occasional thoughts of an old girlfriend or intriguing acquaintance that never developed into a romantic relationship fall more into the category of nostalgia.

Recently, I decided that I was going to gently tell everyone of my secret crushes that they are my secret crushes, and remove the “secret” part. I set a date by which I would have told them all. Of course I would make no further mention of it, unless explicitly encouraged to do so. I also was not going to disclose a little secret crush in any situation in which it would be considered unequivocally inappropriate: co-worker half my age, business client, married person who is part of a formal organization with me, or other situations of that sort are all off-limits. Those particular secret crushes would either have to pass or remain secret.

So what did I do? In short, I chickened out. Before deciding to tell them all, I have recently told one or two without being offensive, and the crush is gone. Of course it would be unlikely for something like this to be a mutual secret crush. As soon as I realize that the little crush is entirely one-sided, and she sees me as just the ordinary person standing next to her secret crush, it is over. Her same qualities are all still there, but the bubble has burst, and that little leap in my heart is gone once the crush is disclosed. I have noticed that because I am polite and discreet about it, my disclosure is usually forgotten by the next time I see my former crush.

I think I would rather keep my secret crushes than lose them. It makes the day so much nicer to have those crushes.
WildeOscar WildeOscar 51-55, M 15 Responses Jan 8, 2011

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Ahh, I've nicknamed this sort of thing as my "imaginary vajinary." lol Yeah both times I had women in my imaginary vajinary and told them they shot me down pretty good. For instance, there was a girl named Caroline that I was really in to when I was in college. We had a few classes together and she was also my reader for my bextbooks at the disability resource center at the university. Well just interacting with her was a rush, and I should've taken that and been happy, but noooooooo. I had a weight trainer at the time and we were talking about women and love interests and when I told him about Caroline he said, "Oh man you've got to tell her how you feel! Otherwise you could lose out. You might have something and not know it because you were too scared to approach her." So, what he said made sense of course and I took his advice. We were in an accedemic group for our major together and we had a meeting coming up. I planned it all out. I was going to let her know the day before that I wanted to talk to her after the meeting and ask her if we could go somewhere and talk. That's when I'd let it all out and let the chips fall where they may. Well the chips fell. I called her about the meeting the night before and at the end of the conversation I asked her if she was doing anything after the meeting. She said she wasn't, so I told her I wanted to talk to her about something afterwords. At first she agreed and we pretty much set it up. We hung up and I felt good. Now in the dorms we had what were called suite mates. That was another dorm room we shared a bathroom and a balcony with. I had this one guy who was my suite mate that was pretty damn clueless sometimes. That part's relevant I promise. Well he knocks on the bathroom door because he wanted to hang out or whatever and while he's in my room the phone rings. It was Caroline. She told me she was nervous and couldn't sleep because she wanted to know what I needed to talk to her about. She thought I might have been mad at her. Well I had to spill it with dumb *** standing right there not getting a clue. It came out really bad and not well rehearsed like I planned and she said, "Oh that's very flattering but I've got a boyfriend." We talked for another minute, or should I say I sniveled and stumbled for another minute and then we hung up. My suite mate's response? "Bro are you OK? You're shaking and sweating." Idiot don't you see what I just had to do? My point with this, better make sure they like you as much before you even travel through that neighborhood. Good for you for chickening out. Take time and study it first and if they don't seem to feel the same then be happy with a friendship. Just think those few words could ruin even that and you'll now have nothing.

good idea!

Awwh that's so cute I have never though of it that way that's a wise thanks :)

is true what you say at the end if you tell your little secret what is left of it is not longer fun

They vanish like a mist in face of the rising sun. It is fun to think of disclosing them, but the thought is almost better than the act of doing so.

A single innocent crush can bring months or years of pleasure, harmess and enlivening. Gw, I am becoming convinced.

Q, I am definitely not THE David. I may be A David, but really probably more of a Dave.

Oh David. You're so cute, tongue-biting and all.<br />
I'm all for simple pleasures. <br />
Life is short.

If I should feel a crush on you then, I would bite my tongue until it bleeds. These connections are among the best of the simple pleasures of life. No humans are harmed in the filming of these documentaries.

I do this all the time, but I don't usually consider telling. <br />
I like the fantasy too much.<br />
I also never refer to it as a crush. I always use the word "connection", I guess because it is more benign, and there have been cases of the connection being recognized, mutually. <br />
I also never considered acting on any of these connections, the ones in my daily life, but as I get older, I find I am way less shy.<br />
Reality can be the death knell, definitely.

Very powerful observations, Quercus. Our fantasy lives seem to separate us all, but maybe not quite all, other animals. Humans are the only animal that can envision ourselves faster, stronger, leaner and then condition our bodies to become what we envision. We also project the most wonderful characteristics onto people in our fantasies, only they mostly aren't true, and we can't make them true. Reality has spoiled many a wonderful fantasy, hasn't it?

EH, that it may be mutual is definitely part of the enjoyment. I had one such crush I never disclosed to anyone, and I learned later, after she moved far away, that it had been mutual. Now nostalgia, but one of those 'might have been' situations.

Hmmm, now this is an interesting one. It might be that the feeling is one-sided WO, but have you ever thought that it might also be that it can go nowhere? I've had a lot of those little crushes. Dayem, they felt like full blown love, and I still think they might have been had it been possible to find out. But if someone told me they had a crush on me, and did not intend or it could not go anywhere... well, I'd just feel all hot and frustrated LOL (talking RL here... happens online sometimes). I dont know, I suspect you're selling it short thinking it's one sided. Maybe they actually want to jump you... and cant LOL

We do sometimes tell our closest friends about our secret little crushes. Women may be more inclined to share secrets like this with their girlfriends than guys are with our guy friends, but we still have those crushes all the same.

We are only human..and those little crushes are wonderful!! The ones I have had those little crushes will never know..<br />
Sunshine...I am sure you are very right some might like to hear it..lol

GmcG and 1ul, then, with your encouragement, I am just going to enjoy these secrets. Having many secret crushes is one of the best things in life, and it is totally free and mostly innocent. Why mess with something so good?