Little Secret Crushes DelightI have many little crushes throughout daily life. I am not alone in this. Others do also. We see qualities in other people that trigger more than intellectual curiosity or aesthetic impression That certain smile, that lingering eye contact, that little flip of hair, a certain shape, an outfit or jewelry that seems to speak to me. A person I see everyday, once a week, or every once in a while that trigger a little leap in my heart that the person standing next to her does not.
Women who look right through me without ever noticing me never become crushes of mine. There has to be some human connection or acknowledgement, even if the crush part is solely in my head and my heart.
I wouldn’t put anyone I haven’t seen or spoken with in more than 6 months in the category of “secret crushes.” Occasional thoughts of an old girlfriend or intriguing acquaintance that never developed into a romantic relationship fall more into the category of nostalgia.
Recently, I decided that I was going to gently tell everyone of my secret crushes that they are my secret crushes, and remove the “secret” part. I set a date by which I would have told them all. Of course I would make no further mention of it, unless explicitly encouraged to do so. I also was not going to disclose a little secret crush in any situation in which it would be considered unequivocally inappropriate: co-worker half my age, business client, married person who is part of a formal organization with me, or other situations of that sort are all off-limits. Those particular secret crushes would either have to pass or remain secret.
So what did I do? In short, I chickened out. Before deciding to tell them all, I have recently told one or two without being offensive, and the crush is gone. Of course it would be unlikely for something like this to be a mutual secret crush. As soon as I realize that the little crush is entirely one-sided, and she sees me as just the ordinary person standing next to her secret crush, it is over. Her same qualities are all still there, but the bubble has burst, and that little leap in my heart is gone once the crush is disclosed. I have noticed that because I am polite and discreet about it, my disclosure is usually forgotten by the next time I see my former crush.
I think I would rather keep my secret crushes than lose them. It makes the day so much nicer to have those crushes.
WildeOscar 51-55, M 12 Responses 8 Jan 8, 2011