So True

My whole life has been devoted to my children. Making sure they are happy and taken care of. Same with my friends and family. I am always there for anyone who needs help or a shoulder to cry on or to just listen and that of course includes my wonderful friends here at EP. At the other end of the spectrum though if I need help, I have always been very reluctant to heap my problems on others. With the patience of my girlfriend SugarSpice I am slowly learning to change that. I have told her things that no one else knows and when I am down I am learning not to hesitate to talk about it with her. Maybe with her it's because I trust her 100%. Maybe it's because I love her with all my heart. I'm sure it's many things but with her I feel secure. I talk to my friends about things too but there are many things that I hold back about. I always figure that everyone has their own problems and don't need to be listening to mine.

bassplayer bassplayer
46-50, M
20 Responses Feb 16, 2009

I'm glad that you are learning how to take time for yourself. My mother never took time for herself and so many times she was there for me when she couldn't be. Sometimes I would yell at her to go away and take a nap, or go have fun. Because she never took time for herself she was always exhausted and sick or just so mentally tired that she couldn't do what she needed to for me. It was awful and it hurt me to see her giving what she didn't have to give. <br />
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Once she got help and started setting boundaries, our relationship became a lot better. I share that because I want you to know that you will be respected more and your relationships will actually get better and you will grow closer to your loved ones. This was true for me and my mom. Hope this helps?

I've always been extremely close to my loved ones, especially my kids. In my case I was not typically exhausted or mentally tired.
I'm glad you have got closer to your mom but I'm not understanding how taking time for oneself earns respect? Can you explain that comment? It sounds like there was more going on between your mom and you besides her not taking some time for herself

sure, I'll explain it. Because Mom never took care of herself and would always say yes to me, I would take advantage of her without even meaning too or realizing it. Because she didn't respect herself, it was difficult for me to respect her. Does that make sense?

I'm down with that :)

Hooray indeed little fishy ! :)

I am at peace with myself and have been for a long time EL.<br />
Things are pretty good in my world. Once the loose ends of my past are tied up things will be great.

I think you may be missing the boat, bassman. You're no good to anyone - inlcluding Sugar - until you are your own best friend first.

Bass:<br />
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I know exactly what you mean. But it's not a trade - when you need help, it's your turn, then it's your turn, man, and so the help is there for you when it is needed.<br />
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At least, that's the theory, anyway...as much as I'd like it to be...LOL<br />
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Glad to hear Sugar has got your back for the essentials - that is certainly important.<br />
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:)

I know Jess. But Sugar is my everything. I go to her first and the really personal stuff is for her ears only. I hope everyone understands that. It's not that I don't appreciate every bit of concern from my friends because I do. But I'm still at the core a very private guy and there are many things that I only wish to share with her. That's what feels right to me.

Hey Bassy, Not hijacking your post but needed a break from the funeral 'stuff'...I just wanted to say I love your post and yall are sooo cute :)<br />
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Hugs, Snowy ~

You know I feel the same way baby.

Whew! I was certainly thinking about all those times I wept all over you, Bassy... and worried that you didn't expect me to be there for you 24/7 also! Glad to hear it's not the case. And poor Bobert... I'll give him a shoulder if he needs one, but I'm sure it's not as comfy as yours! :)

I'm just teasing HBY.<br />
You know how I feel about you. Bobert's on his own though-lol

You have to cut that out Bassy, and know that real friends want you to cry on their shoulders because then they don't feel like they are putting you out so much when they cry all over yours... I'm glad you have found Sugar and you feel like you can tell everything and anything to her, but consider expanding that circle to include a few more, like Bobert, for instance, and of course ME!!! :)

Tons of help it seems.......sometimes whether I want it or not-lol

It's axiomatic that - if you're no good to yourself you can't possibly be good to/for others. God luck with the re-education - how nice you have help ;- )

I know.....I'll break it off when I see you :P

It's a tough transition BF. It's easier to help than to be helped.

lol

and we're kinda cute too :)

You are so right. We all have struggles of one type or another.

I'm glad you're learning to open up and talk about your needs and that you found someone to trust so completely. Nobody is without struggles and we all need help along the way. I know I feel valued when someone trusts me. It goes both ways!