Over 2 Years Ago

I had an abortion when i was 19 my bf was 21 ... i was in very unhealthy and abusive relationship. I dont think i will get over what he did to me or what i had to do. he would push me around and than apologize right after and i stayed because i thought i loved him. we had been together for almost a year i got kicked out of my parents house because of him so i moved in with him cause he told me i couldnt go anywhere else. i caught him cheating on me and told him i was leaving but he talked me into staying because i was dumb. he started talking about wanting a family i told him i wasnt ready and im too young he didnt like that. later that night when we laid down to go to sleep we started having unprotected sex... he heldme down right before he finished so he could do it inside me. i found out a week later i was pregnant after catching him with yet another girl i toldhim i was pregnant and i couldnt keep it. i still remember the date and the time of the appointment and i still have nightmares. i would have loved to be a mom but i knew he would do anything he could to make sure i wasnt happy and i didnt have any where to live or aanyone to go to. im in relationship now with a new guy and hes amazing but i have a hard time trusting people nd i take that out on him im scared of losing him and ive always known i need to talk to people who can relate to me to help me get past the regret of what i did and move on from what he put me through.
shygirl0611 shygirl0611
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 13, 2012

Look up Rachel's Vineyard's retreats. I just went to one and while it doesn't completely stop the pain, it does provide you a safe place to grieve and mourn your child and work through the pain. It is run by women who have had one themselves and have come to a place of healing. I feel for you so much sweet girl and I know exactly how you feel and how painful the hurt is. If you ever need someone to talk to, please message me.