I had an abortion 20 years ago and have always regretted it. My story is this. I got married at 19 and was very happy had my first son at 23 and he is beautiful now 21. Six months later I found out I was pregnant again. Although it wasn't planned I was happy enough. I asked my husband if he was ok with it and he said he was. However little did I know. I carried my baby for 12 weeks even had a scan ... I thought it odd my husband didn't come with me.Then the bombshell - my husband told me he didn't know if he loved me any more and couldn't promise to stay with me. I was devastated ... He suggested an abortion ... I felt confused and very distressed - I asked if he would try and stay with me as I loved him so so much. He said he would try but without the pressure of another child - I agreed to have a termination against my better judgement .. I felt isolated and alone / I didn't let anyone talk to me I'm not sure why I did because that wasn't me. I only had a few days over Xmas to make the decision At the clinic I struggled but my husband was with me so I went naively went through with it. Then a few weeks later my husband told me he had been seeing another woman for months. He said he didn't tell me before the termination as he thought it would affect my decision .... I was left on my own with my son and lived the past 20 years for my son.... Now he is grown up I can't cope. I lost my mum not long back and now I have all these feelings taking over my life about the abortion... Not sure I can get through this . The pain and loss I feel for my baby is all
Consuming ... I would love another child but why should I be allowed after what I did ...
keelina01 keelina01
46-50, F
1 Response Jul 11, 2014

hi ! so sorry for what you are going through ! i hope the other woman is aware of how evil your x is ! try to remember the good times raising your son ! take care !
losing your mom is tough too ! they are so good at listening and haveing answers ! your son will need that from you in his journey through life ! !

Yes that is what makes it worse - my husband told the other woman I was pregnant and asked for her advise but she didn't give him any ... If she had anything about her she would have at least told him to stick by me till I had the baby ... But again she was thinking of herself and just wanted him to be with her at any cost. What's more upsetting is after I had the termination ... My husband says to me that she wouldn't have been able to go through with it.

trust in yourself ! you are not a bad person ! if you can ! talk to God ! he won't come right out to you ! but he will give you asign and help how you feel ! good luck !

Yes I'm seeing a chaplain next week - I've never really been brought up as a Christian but I do have some faith and believe in god. I do pray but at the minute I'm not getting any sign - how will I know if god can hear me or help me x

Thank you for your kind words of support x

hi ! i have seen many poems and different writings on God . he is listening !
you are going to see a Chaplin ! he is directing ! when you start to believe in yourself and trust . you will feel him with you ! good luck ! :-)

Thank you for your kind words of support x

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