I am currently 26 years old and have a 2 year old child. I had an abortion when I was 18 years old and a senior in high school. At the time I was so terrified of anyone besides my boyfriend (who I am now married to) finding out I did not seek any guidance and scheduled an abortion. I refused to think of any other options and the clinic did not provide any alternate information. When the day came I did not want to go through with it but was too afraid to stop the process. I have regretted it since the moment the pills went into my mouth. I think about my choice daily. I was raised in a religious family and worry that I am destined for hell no matter how many times I have asked for forgiveness. I have never told a single person about it but it leaves a constant ache in my chest. I look at my child now, who was planned who I love dearly and think nothing but regrets for what I did and how selfish I am for destroying one life then creating another. I do not deserve my child. I know I would not have been a good mother at the time but if I hadn't been so afraid I could have provided another family with a lifetime happiness. Instead I will live mine a lifetime of secret sadness and remorse.
Paige6 Paige6
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 8, 2014

If you believe in God, remember that the Bible says that when we ask His forgiveness, He puts our sins as far away as the east from the west, and remembers them no more. God is loving and merciful.

The best thing you can do to honor the baby lost is to be the best mother you can to the one you have now <3 that baby is in heaven and will greet you one day and I believe it will know your heart.

God always forgives.

I don't believe it is right, but I will not say you are a bad person. Our actions, we commit for a reason, and because of that no one, ever, has the right to say you're wrong. However selfish you think it to be, think about this living child, and ask yourself if they want a mother that is in pain, leaving his/her own needs unmet.
Telling your boyfriend is the best step you can take now to release the guilt. He deserves to know.