“i Always Say ‘i’m Fine’”

    More than once, I have said “Im fine” when really, I am as far from fine as humanlly possible. B has forbidden me to tell him I’m fine. He tells me, that I can lie to everyone else about how I am feeling, and tell them all that “I’m fine” but I am not allowed to do it with him.

I guess I am so use to saying that I am fine, because it is so much easier to tell them that I am fine, than to tell them what is going on, and what is bothering. A Lot of times, I just don’t want to burden them with the bull-**** of my life anyways. I mean people have more serious problems, than my mom being sick, my Fiance and I not doing good, and my depression hitting an all time low, so I just tell people I am fine.

They usually get mad at me, when they find out, that I really wasn’t fine, and that I lied to them, about how I am feeling, but I just feel like I am doing them a favor, and that I am helping them I guess. I just find it easier to tell people I am fine, than to explain what is wrong, and why I feel the way that I do.

Telling people I am fine, is like a security for me, its something that makes me feel protected, makes me feel safe, keeps people at a distant, and keeps them from getting in, and for letting them hurt me too much.


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2 Responses Feb 21, 2010

I do the same thing. You are very lucky to have one person that will draw you out and not accept that answer.

I always say "I'm good" or "I'm ok". I figure if I say it enough, to them and to myself, well, it just HAS to be true! :)