I Keep Saying Stupid Things

I don't know why and I don't know when it started but for as long as i can remember i've always said the frankly dumbest things. Examples being racist things without realizes the race is in the room and hear or even racist things against myself. Inappropriate things that i just kind of said without realizing. Embarrassing attempts for attention. I don't know why i say these things but i can remember doing them since the first grade, embarrassing things that i regret as soon as i say them. Eventually i get over it but not before suffering through a whole day of work or school thinking about it and regretting it. At the same time i don't want to be the real me i suppose, the one that prefers not to talk and would rather sit in the corner thinking of ways to commit suicide. I've always battled with the idea of wanting friends but i never have anything good to talk about so i blurt out embarrassing comments, i suppose this means small talk is my problem, i've always battled with it for as for as long as i could remember. I even know how this problem rooted, when i was a child and i had to live with my abusive mother i was never allowed to talk and now i can't have a normal friendly conversation with anyone. People tell me it's okay (i apologize a lot) but i know it's really not, it's something that's inappropriate and it's what has made me into the social outcast that i am today.
Kris4335 Kris4335
2 Responses Apr 2, 2012

I Read your post today, it made me sad but determined to let you know that you are not a social outcast. To consider yourself a social outcast is over the top! No two people are the same and yes we are a product of our past experiences but we are also a product of who we choose to be and the experiences we choose to have for the future. YOU ARE UNIQUE like all human beings. Never forget this and choose to be content with this fact today.

Same here I feel exactly the same, I say many stupid things which I regret but the worst of it all I continue to do it and it never seems to stop ruining my day and my life in general. Silence is your friend that will get you out of that difficulty but the only problem is learning how to keep our tongues in the cage it belongs. For now I just keep praying to God for paradise and a way out of this misery being patient not with other people but with myself and my annoying body.