I Say and Do Stupid/embarassing/hurtful Things I Regret

I dread going to social events because often I get this 'high' (whether I drink or not) and do and say stupid things, which I think are funny/clever/relevant at the time but when I wake next day - POW! The embarassment/self hate when I realise they were hurtful/stupid/embarrasing or over-opinionated things to do or say. I then spend days going around being miserable while I think of what I did. I know noone likes me because of this. My husband just laughs and says it doesn't matter but inside I am dying and want to run away. When I see the people again I have to act even more 'life and soul' to kind of make it go away, as if I don't care, so it's a vicious circle. The only other option is to sit quietly in the corner (because I can't do small talk) and then people ask me what's wrong. I would be better off never mixing with other peope as I am quite incapable of doing it properly. I must never have leaarned to socialise properly.

ssmi ssmi
22 Responses Jul 28, 2009

I'm exactly like this! Although, as someone else mentioned, I notice right away and then I try to cover myself, and then I sound even dumber than I did in the first place. I also say things that seem to always be taken differently from what I meant to say...and then I feel so stupid, I don't explain what I meant, because that might make the other person look stupid. I would rather be the kind of person who just doesn't say anything, but I just can't. I've always felt I overdo it, whatever "it" is. And like you, I spend days just going over and over it in my head. Some days it's more than I can bear...sigh.

I do the same thing, which is why i looked this up. We are not alone.

I do the same thing. I have problems interacting with others and have had them for a long time. I feel more comfortable on a keyboard on the internet because I can edit and review what I say before I say it.
It's frustrating. I become the butt of jokes within my working circle but I work my butt off everyday. Once someone knows me, I'm ok and they kind of accept me.
My brother says I have no filter. It is tough, as an employee and as a person with this thing. I cannot be with anyone, because of my lack of a filter. What I find funny is just awkward to them or corrects them when they are wrong.
So frustrating.....

Wow, I read a lot of these comments and I'm so surprised so many people feel the same way. But my case is a little bit different. For some cases I realize how stupid I was. (like a day later or at night) but for some things I realize instantly. It's really strange, but my guess is that maybe if you pay attention to the conversation. (Well, at least the best you can with the 'high') You realize it sooner. Idk maybe just me.

You should read some books on autism and aspergers! I have a slight bit of aspergers, and I totally recognize some symptoms!

Btw sorry for my bad English, I'm from sweden :)

I am 15 years old, and this "high" has literally ruined my life. Once I was with friends at a hangout most of the middle school students usually went to, and I don't know why, I have this urge to talk to random people and do really stupid **** in front of them to make them laugh, and without realizing it at the time, I ended up hugging a cactus -_- it ruins my school year every f***ing time. I was with some popular chicks and my friend asked, "do you want to go to the bathroom?" And out of no where, I just say, "no, my vagina does not need to open and release liquid-" "you can just say no", a girl said, and they gave dirty looks. I'm pretty, and funny and cute but I literally want to crawl in a hole and die every time this happens, it makes me come out as a major loser. Its like a different person is controlling me.

This is the part of myself I HATE the most! It either makes me an overexcited, happy lunatic or a foul-mouthed monster. It's so much worse when I'm put on the spot suddenly.

Last semester I was in a class of ~200 people with my husband sitting next to me. The professor frustrated me and it was made worse that he liked to call me by name and find me to answer questions (he did this to ~10 different people). The professor called out my name and the "high" hit me. My husband pointed me out so the professor could find me. I meant to jokingly whisper "F-you" in a quiet, joking voice (I realize in retrospect that already sounds pretty bad, but he's my best friend and we joke a lot) but it came out loudly and angrily. People gasped. After a few seconds I realized what happened. Husband sat there mortified/angry/hurt for several minutes then walked out. Truly wanted to be struck dead. Honestly, just thinking about it, I would still like to be struck dead. I would do anything to take it back even though he forgave me pretty quickly.

Being myself is like being followed by a volatile, crazy person. Normally, it is very hard for me to admit good things about myself, but if I'm honest - when I'm mellow I'm a very nice person. I am TERRIFIED of the "high" though. It's so hard to socialize and make friends when you swing between vanilla (super careful of what you say and awkward) and lunatic. Sorry about the rant. I have never described this problem to anyone really :T

I'm very fearful of scaring people or shaming myself. Even with a husband it is a very lonely and controlled existence.

I struggle with the impending doom of feeling stupid because I do say stupid things. It's like I have no filter and I don't care.....until it's too late. I am wondering if the majority those of us who feel this way had disconnected/abusive mothers. I was never physically abused but my mom sure could be hateful to me. And I was just a little kid. Her kid! But no matter. She was mean to me anyway. Now she wonders why my daughter doesn't listen to me at times. It's because she's not afraid of me. Anyway, I'm processing a lot lately about issues I had left behind when I left home. Feeling stupid and disconnected from people being the main issues.

The thing about your mom, I feel the same way. I was adopted as an infant but my parents were pretty harsh and cold. Never felt like I could be myself even as a kid. Always got in trouble. I think especially during those firts years are critical. Kids need to be loved a lot and accepted for who they are..and if parents are negative, like my dad was, it might rub off and be a part of their personality. You're a product of your environment.

Also I've learned that kids who had separation from or disconnected/cold parents potentially develop Adhd. That's one dr.s theory but I believe it. Could be one reason it's more common today as parents are too busy for their kids, like writing on forums. Whoops. Impulsive actions and words are a symptom of Adhd. I have it and I've met many other adult adheres who feel stupid, but they're actually very intelligent.

I can relate to everything said here... I have adhd bad, and I suffer from the 'I say and do weird ****, almost on autopilot, without even knowing how odd it is until after'. I'm curious about the parenting factor, my dad was a ****, since birth I was 'supposed' to be just like him, but not make any mistakes. He'd call me out and freak out on me for anything I did wrong, even if it wasn't wrong or he was just stressed about something completely different.

Now I feel like I have something to prove to everyone in my life, subconsciously. I vary between, I hate everyone 'for wanting so much from me' and I'm trying too hard (doing odd things and saying weird ****) where my brain just shuts off and goes on loonytoons autopilot.

I take Adderall, and this stops the random weird ****(unless I'm very stressed, or in an unfamiliar situation with anxiety) however it takes away all emotions in the process; rendering me a souless, excessively logical douche(however exceptionally effective at anything, when hurting feelings isn't an issue.)

Anyone know how to help this? Or are we all screwed for life?

I, myself definitely feel the same way. I have come to train myself to only engage in small talks with people I am not comfortable with and this has only limited the amount of relationship I build. At times, I wonder if it is because I just don't find myself caring in engaging in conversation with people but I feel like I have a sense of emptiness when it comes to this. I try to train myself to be more open and comfortable to speak to people but I get a sense of hold back and hesitation that I feel everyone is able to read. I still hope that it is something that I can overcome and better myself in... but at times I feel like the more I advance with age, the worst it is... :(... Anyways it feels good to know that I am not the loner in feeling this way :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one, as well. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, however.

I feel dumb too. I always doubt what I feel or say. I over analyze what people are thinking and saying. I hate it. I have recently gotten married. This is my second marriage. It was hard...extremely. I have had a hard time feeling like I fit in and worrying about my kids etc. Im a really strong Christian and am so disappointed in myself. I said things I shouldn't have and now regret it. I think my in laws now think differently of me and now I dont know how to recover that relationship. They tell me its fine but I feel like they really see me differently. Im so disappointed in myself. It makes me want to crawl under a rock. My in law came over tonight and I felt like she was throwing stuff back in my face afterwards. Im just frustrated! This is typical for me to feel this way and be in this situation. I think its me and my problem. I have a lot of regretsnow and feel like

And feel like my hands are tied. I said things and cant take it back. I've already talked to them and I dont feel like they're being forthcoming of what happened and what was said and how they feel about it.

Please please help! I am also super sensitive and offended easily or just take things wrong or more personal then they are meant. Anyways please help!

Hi. I too suffer from this. It's not too bad if you say the wrong things to a complete stranger (who'll you'll never see again!), but to those close, i.e. neighbors, work colleagues, it does affect relationship dynamics (my opinion). I'm in my forties, and this affects me socially as I feel like shunning people/society. Have you looked into ADD/ADHD? That's what I'm gonna look into. In the meantime, try to forgive yourself, as we can be our own worst enemies!

Its definitely a symptom of Adhd. Impulsive words and actions.. I attend an adult Adhd support group and many are on their forties and fifties just getting diagnosed. Feeling stupid is a part of the consequence of having it, but many with Adhd are actually very intelligent. worth looking in to.

Sometimes this stuff just takes time. If you can avoid being overly sensitive around them and play it cool, be helpful.. Over time you become family, hopefully, and it'll be behind everyone. Depending what it is maybe it ba alight in the distant future...

2 More Responses

This is me. I always say/ end up doing the stupidest thing and end up beating myself up about it. I can't help it. Its like i take things too personally or something. Last night my parents came over and i started telling them about how my in laws were helping me plan my wedding. And according to my fiance, i unintentionally made my in laws come out to be some horrible people. Flip! I wish I could talk properly without having to overly explain myself :(

I can relate! I always, no matter what, think about the stupid things I've said or done and then I have to deal with the feeling of embarrassment. And the small talk? There's nothing worse! I don't really feel like talking about things that neither one of us cares about, it's just a waste of time. That makes me want to avoid people altogether. Then again I guess me being an introvert has something to do with that as well. :

'The high' is what I've had trouble explaining. an example is from the other day when a Christmas song came on in an assembly and I got up and started dancing when everyone else was seated, I didn't want to do it but it was like something inside me was forcing me and I start to shake and feel light headed on this 'high' and I hated myself for days after. I never could explain it but it's good to see I'm not the only one.

All I can say is your completely right. Everyday I will be in the shower or whatever and replay everything that happened and I will find myself talk out loud saying "why the F did I do that" I have been bumming around for a while no school no job so I've been feeling like **** recently. The other thing is I have a great long term memory so I will remember embarrassing moments that happened 10 years ago. I think my problem is I worry what people think about me from every angle and I just need to get over it and just do.

Thanks for explaining this so well, I feel like I understand where you're coming from. I have very much the same issue, where I sometimes speak without completely thinking through (or without thinking at all). This can cause me to say things that I immediately regret, then go into the vicious cycle you speak of. What I SHOULD have said etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you have some absolutely wonderful things to say. Perhaps we speak with feeling?


On second thought, I find I feel this way with people I don't know well. If it someone who knows me as friend, family etc they know eventually somewhere in the great conversation were having I will say something totally moronic. The worst that happens then is we have a good laugh about it. What I'm saying is... Perhaps if these people knew us better they would understand our senses of humor, or possibly not be so critical hanging on every word we say? I know my friends would simply laugh, either that or make fun of me and then we'd move on because we are all adults. Instead of quietly judge and act like its still a clique on high school.

At least you're married. That's a hell of a lot more than I can ever hope for. Not that marriage is the only thing worth being. I'm just saying that somebody cares about you. So If I were you I wouldn't really care if I suck at people, because I wouldn't be alone then. Who else do you need? Provided I've just been through the most horrible breakup I've ever had, so I'm preety needy at the moment. Anyway, just venting.

Oh my f***ing God! I do this every single day of my life. I am a smart guy but I feel like when I talk about my PhD project or something I'm really interested in, I am just boring people. I feel like when I ask people questions about themselves, I am once again boring them. So, basically, I just say dumb, 'out there' kind of stuff. I feel I can't be myself, like have a proper conversation with anyone. I just feel like a buffoon. I keep trying to be funny but most of the time I'm not, and I know it. I rely on laughing so much taht people laugh with me (or at me), but inside I am dying. I thought this would have passed by now, being 24 years old and all. I seem to be good at getting the girl, but only if I go out on the town or to somewhere where I have only a short space of time to make an impression. Like this alter ego comes out. Relationships normally end when they realise I'm not the guy they thought I was. It's becoming very difficult to live, especially as everyone else around me seems so "adult" about stuff. Also, I am extremely sensitive.

Today, this moment if I had to write my experience I would have written word to word that. With me, I think the problem is....well it is different at different times. Sometimes I want to prove a point, and for that I'll put forward all points all of which might be true, but is hurtful anyways. <br />
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Other times, it is just that I'm not thinking through how I say it. Sometimes it is not even my opinion, I just say it to fill the silences. And sometimes it is just impulsive and stupid. And then in trying to correct and apologize I end up sayn even more stupid things. <br />
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Like when praising an old photo of a friend, I said wow! U looked really beautiful, energetic and young back then. It was true, but I didn't realize then that it also implies that she doesn't look at that now. Which she doesn't cause she is a new full time working mom and tired with lack of sleep all the time. But I wish I had said something which would make her feel nice, cause that was my intention.

****, I always ******* do this, goddamnit I wish I could just kill myself. Right now I'm like, jesus, why does my IQ suddenly drop when I'm in a good mood? My friends probably think I'm so dumb now after last night and the way I acted. ****, kill me.

It's me (I posted the story). I was doing really well, being careful with what I said, thinking before speaking etc. and was feeling very good about things. Then I got in touch with a very old friend, we used to work together. We decided it would be great if we could get in touch with all our old colleagues, so I started to track them down. Problem is I get all over excited when I contact people and start 'gushing' at them. In emails. Then I read the emails back to myself and I cringe. I've tried thinking - don't send the email, just wait and read it again tomorrow - but I have no self control. Now I am feeling really low again and wish I'd never started. I want to go away and hide under a rock. Everyone is talking about a reunion and I'm just thinking - no, no, no, I'll have to be all gushy and I'm not like that normally.

It seems like the root of our communication issues stems from out ability or lack of!, to connect with people. At least it is for me. I recently found an article that has changed my Life. It's called "The Power to Connect with People". I highly recommend reading and implementing the advice given. I never find info that is truly helpful. This is. Thanks for your ear.

Ugh. I do that DAILY. ]: Someday I hope to be slighty less socially challenged.

I know how you feel... the best advice I could give, which has been given to me on multiple occasions... is to stop being so hard on your self. Most people don't feel good (smart, funny, witty, etc) enough in comparison to other people. Just relax and be yourself. Blah blah, I've been given that advice so many times... but it doesn't help or change anything. Especially not the painful humiliation you get when you reflect on it. <br />
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But, you aren't alone. I do that... all the time. And I'm still in college, so I do it every day. <br />
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It sucks.<br />
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Hopefully being able to relax and just... interact with people will come eventually.<br />
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Good luck.