Childhood Memories

From a very young age I knew something was wrong with me. In kindergarten they always made the boys build things with blocks and play with trucks all I wanted to do is play with the girls in the play kitchen. I did not understand why I could not wear a pretty dress and why I could not be pretty. I would go to the beauty salon with my mother when she or my sisters had a hair appointment and wish I could participate with them. I always cried myself to sleep after going to the barber for my usual buzz cut oh how I wanted long pretty hair! Sneaking into the basement to play with my sisters dolls and to create pretty hairstyles on their styling heads seemed so wrong but so right to me. In junior high discovering boys and how confusing that was. I knew they were diferent than I was. I always related better with girls my age I just did not understand boys. In high school not dating because it did not seem right. Dreaming of going to prom and being treated like a princess and knowing it was impossible. Pretending to act macho so the boys would not beat me up when on the inside I was as girlie as any other girl.Sneaking into my parents room and putting on my mothers favorite white June Cleaver dress. Oh how I loved that dress and how it made me feel pretty. These are some of my childhood memories not all happy but I am a surviver.
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6 Responses Dec 12, 2012

i loved putting on my mothers lingerie and clothes , felt so right, sometimes sh'd put make up on me for dance recitals.

my mother was a hairdresser and had a shop in the back of the house, used to go out there and watch her do girls my age hair, and i was so jeaulous watching them get perms...

Michelle and Melissa, there is no way I could have resisted if I were there watching girls being permed. I would have ended up in perm rods and permed curls within a week (okay, sooner!).

I can relate to a *lot* of that. :)

Your memories sound like a parallel to mine with just 10 years separating us we were meant to be who we are and they thought different.

You're right- it wasn't easy to go through high school as the athlete playing basketball and baseball when you want to be the cheerleader in the short pleated skirt and panties. I too wanted the pretty skirts but all along I still wanted the girlfriend who would accept the girl side of me so we could be girly girls together.

Sad story about growing up and knowing we were different, but it seems like you've worked your way through it now and that is great.