It Took Awhile To Admit

Though I knew my feelings & desires from an early age, it took years before accepting the fact that I was a queer. The things that turned me on & filled my imagination as a teen were sxcking other guys and wearing women's clothing. In time I came to appreciate receiving anal. It dawnded on me one day that everything that excited me could be categorized as womanly or, as I preferred to call it, fulfilling the feminine role

My relationships with females has been hot & cold. ...sort of like fishing. Sometimes I got lucky and would find a girl or woman who liked me despite myself. Most, however, seemed to pick up my true nature quickly and ended any hope of a relationship. I really believe women have something resembling gaydar. I liked being with  them & enjoyed a number of sexual relationships, but never found full satisfaction or substainable pleasure sexually with a female in which I was expected to fulfill the manly role. It just didn't happen.

As an adult I experimented sexually and was able to fulfill my fantasies, nearly all of which were with other guys in which I was a bottom. I let my femme self run wild, dressing completely as a woman and pleasuring other guys. All this while still trying to defend myself against being labelled a queer with the justification of being a bi-sexual.

In time, the evidence was just too overwhelming to igore. It was plain to see that that I definitely one of those about whom I read of in naughty books & saw performing in x-rated movies...I was a queer. The first time I said this to myself, I got an immediate erection and still get a rush when out of it. I know "queer" is a broad subject with many sub-divisions, but the general heterosexual public lumps all others into it. I have no problem with being labelled "a queer".

janusatv janusatv
61-65, T
6 Responses May 23, 2012

It was a bit hard to admit but I am a queer also and I love it. I love being a gay, submissive, sissy ******

You could easily be me. I just could not look at myself and see a queer. I prefer to refer to myself as a ******. I like that word, in regards to myself only. It was late in my life that I accepted the fact that I was a HOMO, fairy, sissy, and my fathers favorite ***. Now, I'm at an age where it is very difficult to find partners. Fortunately, I've come to love myself as much as anyone else. God, I need some ****.

Thank you for this very thoughtful post. It's amazing how clearly we can see ourselves at times & then accept and be content with what we are.

I am a ****** also honey and I love it !!!

Took a while for me to accept it also, now it's just me without the guilt I felt for so long

Good for you sweetie, I am a gueer also !!

this is my 2nd time reading this and like it more than I did the 1st time you stated this so perfectly

Thank you Josycd!

Good for you, it was hard for me to admit that too