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Tired Alone and Scared

I am a 25 year old mother with a 4 year old daughter who i care about and love so much, i split with her father over a year and half ago, than...i met the man of my dreams online, He was everything i ever wanted, i fell in love with him hard..we were together about 2 months and he asked me to marry him, i was never so happy in my life! We were only together for about 7 months and found out i was pregnant, we both were surprised but happy. During my pregnancy i became more aggitated, more aggresive, less loving, and at times he just annoyed the hell out of me.....so i broke up with him, i now know it was the worst mistake i have ever made in my life. I live in a city where I have no relatives or any friends...all my friends were his friends, so now i have no one or nothing....And i regret the things i have done and said to him....he dosnt' want to talk to me anymore, he just gets annoyed when he hears my voice...he says i have broken his heart and he needs time, it's been about a month now since i have seen him, and it's killing me....i am so lonely and scared. I don't know how i am going to deal with all this...i want him back in my life so bad it hurts....i miss him uncontrollably...i want him back in my life, it hurts knowing that he dosn't want to be there for me. He's the only one i want to talk to, but he donsn't want to talk to me, he only gets upset when i cry, i really don't know how i am going to do about this....i am so scared and alone, sometimes i think i don't even want this baby, i am now 5 1/2 months pregnant and so dam alone, and there's nothing i can do about it.....sometimes i just don't want to deal with it anymore, i just wish i could get hit by a dam train, i hate my life the way it is now, i just hate it....i don't sleep i don't eat, i don't even leave my house anymore, all i do is cry...my poor daughter would be so much better without me in her life, i am just useless to anyone...and i have no help from no one,

Well thats my story, i am glad that i got to say this....

mariethelonley mariethelonley 22-25, F May 2, 2008

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