I Am 45 Years Old And Am Lost In Life

I am 45 years old and have seemingly done nothing with my life. I have never married but have a long trail of failed relationships behind me.. I do not have children. I do not own a house or condo or even have a car. I am a business professional though currently unemployed. Yet when I'm working, I don't consider it my career, but more of a means to an end. I have no real hobbies or passions of note..

I am miserable and I am very frightened...
PogoStick99 PogoStick99
46-50, F
10 Responses May 8, 2011

You must be my twin

Spend time on yourself find what your passion is dont let fear in it can stop you from everything set small goals and go for it dont forget to say to yourself I love you you will never be alone or fearful, id been feeling the same way to but that is what has helped me so far good luck I beleave in you girl agapa love

Word for word my friend i feel the same, i can't find my happiness, i all so never married. I just want to wake up and look forward to my day, don't even no were to start.i hope the best for you , if you find out let me know.

I'm also 45 and believe living conditions are of importance here.For instance I am living in Iran and experienced the 8 years bloody war against Iraq which ruined part of the country,left hundred of thousands of deads,orphans,widows,...I experienced a clergy government which executed,tortured and sent people to live in exile because they used to think differently.I studied engineering,worked,tried to live in the US but returned,got married,found another job,established my own business,made good money,travelled the world and live now with my beautiful wife and 14 years old daughter still here in Iran.Life hasn't been easy for me but could have been worse,I am not religious,hardly believe in God,I am not strong when I face with problems,I have the same issues like what's the meaning of life and things like that.When I was young I used to think that people in westen countries like Europe and USA are happy because they have freedom.Think about being forced to pray not to drink alcohol,not to wear what you want,to be sent out of school or university for your thoughts,not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend unless you accept the consequences like jail,being whipped,...and many other simple issues that I can't list here and then think if you are having a good life or not....

I can relate to all of that, pogostick. I too am 45 (born in1966). I am a professional male who left a job temporarily when I was 42, in order to pursue something else which I now realize is beyond my capacity. I think I felt many of the same things when I was 42 and it seems that I tried to change my life by leaving the job and pursuing this other thing. It seems however that it made things worse. I am not married, do not have children, do not own a house anymore, but I do have a car. I feel as if I am drifting or on downward spiral. For every superficial meaning you might find in a thing, there seems to be another angle that contradicts it, rendering the whole thing meaningless and value-free. I feel like I'm on an empty journey. I wonder sometimes am I just journeying, am I lazy? I am also miserable and frightened.

Peter, your post is very moving. How are you doing now? I suspect that people 20 or so years older than you would urge you to appreciate that you're still relatively young, and you can pursue a new dream if you only define it and go after it.

My own experience is not so different from yours. I left a career I no longer found satisfying, and I feel at times adrift. I have been miserable and frightened. But I know that the career and life I am pursuing now is what I want. Being frightened is not necessarily a sign that what you are doing is incorrect or wrong. It may also simply mean that what you are doing has uncertainty and potential dangers. I remind myself of that, anyhow, and try to let my emotions stem instead from what I am certain of and what I am actually doing with my days in order to reach a better place in my career and life. Focus on and be proud of actually running the race as hard and well as you can, not on the fact that you haven't yet grasped the laurel at the end of the race.

The goal you started pursuing at 42--is it really beyond your capacity? Is there no modified version of that goal that could make you satisfied?

I am not going to say that I am sorry. I think that it needs to be sincere, like saying "I love you." However, I know how you feel, and I can say I relate to your emotional stress. I think that life is lived "backwards", "quickly", and "mechanically", It seems that it passes along mercilessly, and that causes us to have a regretful recollection of events that have come in and out of our lives. I will ask that you find your "niche" and go for it. "Fly your own flag," and to hell with what others think. The only person that should define the person that you are-is you! I'd like to reccommend a book for you to read. It is called "The Moses Code" by James Twyman. It really is one of the few books I ever read cover-to-cover. Sincerely Yours,<br />
Mark Renteria/Author<br />
<br />
"A Portrait of a Broken Boy"

I am not sure about any of this. I am going to be 45 soon and my kids are grown and my last is in High school. The business we built has closed, everything we worked for is done and now I need to find a "career". I always just wanted to be a mom, but find the financial burden too hard to deal with, without me working at something. I do not want to go to work in a cubicle or someone elses office. I had my own and just do not want to go back to what I was doing in my early 20's. I have found that sometimes I think it would be easier to "dare I say it" die. I love my kids, my husband, but find that life just doesn't seem to mean much anymore. Why are we here? I believe in God but find the questions to why life? Why spin my wheels to work and save for a future and not live in the present and enjoy this life now? I want to travel, see the world, experience everything this world has to offer, but wake up to resume's and submitting to jobs I really do not want. Money seems to be where it is all at, but what do I do at 45? At this stage of the game I would like to find something that charges me and makes me feel exhilirated to wake up. Now it takes all I have to just get up in the morning. I know I need to count my blessings and be thankful for everything I have and what not, but is this living? Is this the life He had planned for us?

It's almost as if this post was written by me. 42, spent last 25 yrs working hard just to make the ends meet, get by, enjoy life. But with our only child getting ready for last yr of HS and many unknowns there, laid off in Aug12 from the best yet hardest job I've ever had after 5yrs, sabbatical of the past 5mos to reset my internal compass, entering a new career, yet too many unknowns. I feel like I've accomplished so much "career-wise" and now feel completely lost and inadequate. Will my new venture be successful, can I pull it off, will it be fulfilling, will I be able to contribute to my sons college aspirations? I feel like if I had gotten a college education when I had the energy, I'd be so better off. My biggest question is: What is it all for? When does it end? Will my jumping thru hoops, and jumping around make a difference? To who? When will I see the light at the end of the tunnel?
And yet, as always I will keep trudging on and no one will even know because the adage fake it til ya make it, I'm still doing it. That's one thing I know I do well.

I too am 45 and lost. Went through a divorce after 20 years of marriage. Sold our business, and my
Kids are grown. I too apply for jobs and get nothing. I have no motivation and am totally loat and sick to my stomache. Has anyone made it through this stage of life? How?

This happens to two types of people- one who do not have the courage to be what they are - realize thier inner calling. The other type - people who have gone through various jobs trying to understand their calling and finnally discovering it , stay in that activity for some time and then ralize that they have fulfilled every mission they felt they should. There is no furhter purpose, but to talk about what you have learnt - that too if there is somebody you think care and if you are in the mood. This second type is the most evolved soul. If you belong to the latter - take courage in the fact that you are close to moving beyond misery and to a state of afterlife that is great and peaceful. v

Your reply is interesting... especially the last sentence. Ever since i can remember, I've had a 'knowing' of a much better place. From that, I've developed a theory about depressed people. Which is this: depression stems from a sould being 'recycled' too quickly. Your soul still 'knows' that better place and longs to get back to it, which leads to being depressed. It's difficult to explain, but I've always known that for some reason I don't belong here and that there IS a better place which is great and peaceful. I would never commit suicide, as I'm a strong believer that we are all here to do God's work and that act would be an offense to God. However, I have never known what that 'work' is.

meant to say "soul"...

Agree. What is that work? Why was I put on this earth?

Josey: You sound exactly like me. I'm your age, married, dtr who is married, etc. but I feel like I'm not living. Nothing makes sense to me, either. Just kind of going through day by day and don't understand what it is 'live your life' live your best life' live life to the fullest' means. I don't feel like I am living at all and think that I'm now past the age to change anything and am now in cruise control. Thanks for posting, because I thought I was the only person who felt and thought like you.

I get what you are saying. I am almost 60 years old, married, had children, have a house and a car, but don't know why I'm still here when others who seemed to enjoy living so much are gone.. In fact, I said today that I think I've lived too long because so much of the stuff I read about, see on TV, hear from friends and family is stupid. I guess the medical community would diagnose me as being depressed but I don't feel depressed, I just don't get what the big deal is anymore, I've felt this way for about 20 years now I quit being miserable about five years ago.. I figure we've been given this one thing to do, live out our lives, so I think if it's the only thing we are required to do just keep going, it doesn't look to me like it has to make sense.. Still don't see what the rest are raving about though. I had my share of fun, I worked, volunteered etc. no real satisfaction there. I even have a strong relationship with God, I imagine his ears are tired hearing me ask the same question all the time. I try to appreciate the simple things but worry too about the future. Just want you to know you are not alone.

Josey53: I've just now read your comment and there’s so much about it that resonates.
I haven't reached the place (or if I have, am unwilling to recognize it) where I can say "I've had my share of fun, I've done this, I've done that." I mean I have had some fun and have probably done more than just sit on my butt as I seem to think, but there's so much I haven't/didn't do, that I feel I can't complete the sentence even though I have doubts about being able to add more stuff...that I 'did'. Anyway, despite that, I can very much feel what you’re talking about in not really ‘enjoying’ living and wondering what the big deal is.
About 10 years ago, one of my college housemates died after a valiant 2-year fight with a brain tumor. Her daughter was 5 at the time and her husband had adored her to the point of concern. There was a statement in her eulogy that made me sob even more. It was something like “She would have preferred for it to be longer, but she enjoyed and was grateful for the life she did have.” My additional tears were simply self-pity because that sure as hell couldn’t be said in an eulogy for me—not truthfully anyway. And while my additional tears came from the question of “why not ME instead of her?”, they were more about my own despair than out of sorrow for her daughter and husband.
Like you, I believe we’re put here to do something (although for me, it seems as if my purpose was to NOT do anything) and I don’t think we’re meant to decide when we can leave. And if we do, payback is another life having to suffer all over again, which is more than enough motivation for me to stick around. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Thanks again for your thoughts.

NIce stream here, amin a similar predicament. Am determinded to start all over again andwish i can. Am 45 I feel i screwd up> thiough am married and have a nice wife and family. Professionally I ended up pretty vbad. lost confidence in myself when I wanted to try someting and it didn't work out. am stil hoping things work out.