"and She Wears The Pain"

Once, I walked to college for four hours because I did not have money for the bus.
That was the day I decided to become an exotic dancer.
I was terrified. I bought a pack of cigarettes, and went to see the club.
Bosses were great, girls friendly.
I decided to try. maybe for a month until I find a normal job.
I am working there already for 6 months.
cigarettes turned into champagne , champagne into more champagne and in the end there was coke.
Nobody knows that I work there.
I lye to everyone.
In the mornings I go to college, study. I never drink or smoke when I am there.
but in the nights .. I put my work cloth, I smoke, do coke and forget about everything.
My mum is proud of me , working and studying, not smoking or drinking such a good student !
I smile and hide tears.
My friends think that I have it all.
Beauty, mind, money. and I smile to them . It is amazing how people can believe in smile.
It is amazing how a mother who raised you, does not see anything.
They think I am happy.
I look happy. I smile. and that is enough for them.
they can't see the pain behind my smile.
They don't know how it feels when you want to scream because there is no one to talk to.
sometimes i just want to stand up and cry , and scream that I am not who I used to be.
But instead, I put my make up, my high heels and dance.
I seduce clients with my smile, and they pay.
I sell them a fantasy .
I am a fantasy.
and they pay, they clap, they love me.

I know that one day, I will leave this place.
But I know that I will never ever be the same little girl with big dreams.
I will never return myself.
Scarlet777 Scarlet777
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 28, 2012

I would love to be your friend. If you ever want or need to talk, I'm here. No judgements, just a friend.

Thank you, that means a lot

That's what friends are for and I do sincerely mean that. We can chat here or if you want I have yahoo, msn and aim. Just let me know. Everyone needs someone they can talk to.