Pain

wow. this site is quite interesting. i just joined today. i definitely experience the same emotions. the thing that is crazy for me is that i understand so deeply how essential getting over and almost doing the opposite of those feelings are to one's health...yet, i still struggle to change. depressions seems almost inevitable for a 5. i try to be positive in my external communication but inside i feel depressed nearly all the time. fear of change and being overwhelmed seems like the worst qualities to have in life/society becuz life is full of unexpected and overload type situations. i tried medicine for exactly one day. i cudnt stand the feeling of the medicine actually controlling my thoughts and feelings so i had to stop. i still struggle today. tomorrow i start a new job. im hoping i can take advantage of this change and follow through with a lot more positive changes. good luck everyone with being yourself.

wow. this site is quite interesting. i just joined today. i definitely experience the same emotions. the thing that is crazy for me is that i understand so deeply how essential getting over and almost doing the opposite of those feelings are to one's health...yet, i still struggle to change. depressions seems almost inevitable for a 5. i try to be positive in my external communication but inside i feel depressed nearly all the time. fear of change and being overwhelmed seems like the worst qualities to have in life/society becuz life is full of unexpected and overload type situations. i tried medicine for exactly one day. i cudnt stand the feeling of the medicine actually controlling my thoughts and feelings so i had to stop. i still struggle today. tomorrow i start a new job. im hoping i can take advantage of this change and follow through with a lot more positive changes. good luck everyone with being yourself.

Thanks for your response, Captaincube.



When I was a child, I had a relationship with my brother that was similar to the one you have with your sister. We're twins and it was just the 2 of us. He too was 4w5, while I was a 5w4.



As we got older, he broke away from me, and our relationship changed. It's been 20 something years, and I still haven't gotten over the trauma.

I've never had the desire for a social connection. I have a best friend, my sister, a type 4, and we've always been able to feed off of each other's thoughts and worlds, so we've really built ourselves a sanctuary of solitude that we never leave. We both have the way of minimalizing our needs, both being self-preservation variants, so that we can just sit around and do what we oh so endearingly describe to everyone who asks as "nothing". There have been months where I haven't even set a foot outside the door, and I do wonder, is this crazy? Is it really so abnormal? I know it's unhealthy, but this is what I need. It's funny that we could both analyze it forever and still have more to say.



When my cousin asked me after her wedding that my sister and I, begrudgingly were bridesmaids for, to go out to a club with her. I declined, stating that it wasn't really my 'thing'. She tells me we don't have to drink. I say I'd feel too out of place. So her new husband instead invites me over to their basement (haha) for movies, and go-carts afterwards. I never went, but I did appreciate the gesture, and I know I would have enjoyed myself (the go-carts) had I gone. Just being invited to do something can feel like too much of a burden and I try to avoid it as much as possible, but I always feel guilty for not being there. I don't like the idea of hurting anyone's feelings.



I know there will come a day when I want something else. I've occassionally thought of being a parent, but I'm still not sure about being a spouse. Anyway, I think that being social is something you have to build yourself up to. I can talk to someone, but it's only because I force myself to. I always consider it a test, so when I'm out somewhere, I sometimes make a point to say something to someone (especially a gentle compliment, because I have so much trouble with those) After I get over the nervousness of it all, it does make me feel a little more confident, more in control of myself among people. Otherwise, in public I will feel very lost, so it's good to make that connection right away (and then make a run for it before it becomes a conversation!).

Thanks, PewterFantasy. I am feeling better. These periods come and go, and I guess will always come and go. And you're right, no one else can do it for us. Sometimes, though, it feels like a hell of a mountain to climb.

I've definitely gone through some dark periods in my life, in fact, depression (dysthymia) and crises have been the norm since I was 12. At 25, I was able to find someone who is both like and unlike me, who understands me and has helped me to find my strength, to kick my own *** when necessary, because I'm not the kind of person who can take much criticism. But I know things don't work out like that for everyone. The real strength we have is whatever we force from our own minds. No one else can do it for us, in the end. I enjoy the occasional self-help book (about self-motivation, kicking depression, healing from abuse and overcoming procrastination and mental clutter). The trick of course is taking what works for me and leaving the rest.



I really hope you are able to work toward greater health, strength and happiness. It's not an overnight thing, more like a lifetime persuit...anyway, good luck in everything you wish for!

Thank you, kaylee10001. It helps a lot to hear someone who's faced similar challenges.



Since I was "diagnosed" as a 5w4, I've actually made great strides. I had some reason, some explanation for why I am the way I am. However far I've come, though, the pain and frustration are always there. It does help a great deal to know that other people experience what I experience, and that I'm not alone.



I feel like I'm finally at a point (in my mid 30's) where I have some small ability to build relationships with other people and not just rot away in the darkness of my apartment. I think I just have to understand that the pain and frustration won't go away over night.



Thanks again for sharing and helping get through another dark, disconnected period. And I'm glad you were able to find ways to shift your life in the direction that you wanted.

I am a 5 (wing 4). I have also felt isolated and disconnected throughout my life. some times more than others. There have been times when I felt as if my inner life was so different from the outside reality that I felt I couldn't connect with anyone (not even the man I was engaged to). You're right that the feeling is pain, almost a crushing physical pain.



I don't have answers, but I've learned a few things over the years. One is that if I can't connect on a deep level with those around me, I try to connect on whatever level I can. For example, my co-workers understand my love of books, but they don't get the part of me that's shy and wants to be drawn out. My few close friends get that I'm shy, but they don't understand how hard it is for me to ask a guy out or be in a relationship. I have come to realize that I may not find that one person who "gets" me on every level. This has been a major disappointment for me. But being completely alone and having no friends or close relationships is worse (for me).



The other part is that when I was around 30 years old I began taking medication for depression. Until that point, I had gone through many phases where I tried to disappear from the world to make the pain stop. The thing is, removing myself from reality didn't make the pain stop; it only made it worse, being alone and in my head all of the time. Mentally, I was losing strength. The further I got, the harder it was to pull myself out. Eventually, I couldn't even go to work anymore, and once my livelihood was threatened, I knew I had to do something. Now that I take meds (Cymbalta), I do go through periods of pain and feeling disconnected, but they don't last that long. It is now easier for me to put situations in perspective and take risks, like just smiling and saying hello to someone I want to get to know. Or telling someone I don't like to go away.



I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain. I don't know if my story is helpful, but I hope you are able to feel better soon. Building a social life is difficult for people like us and sometimes full of what seems like dead ends. I wish I knew an answer for that...