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Why Am I Mad...all the Time

I do no like the person that I am, and the thing i hate about it the most is that I am an angry person. I dont neccesarily have a rage problem, i am just so negative towards things that i never give myself the ability to be happy. People always ask me why i never smile, and honestly i cannot tell them. I grew up in a happy home with a supportive family. My father has a rage problem, but it was never to the point where it was abusive, just annoying i guess because he yelled all the time. I guess the reason i even wrote this was to find answers. I want to see what other people have to say about angry personalities, and what they think causes them. Is this just who I am? Will i ever be able to be a passive and easy going person that i have tried so hard to be?

Let me know what you all think.

jdvg37 jdvg37 22-25, M 16 Responses May 25, 2009

Your Response


I feel you on this one and thank goodness I'm not the only one dealing with emotional anxiety or something. I really don't know why I'm so negative, I think too much, analyze too much, easily gets offended and angry, and coming from others, super moody (and maybe borderline bipolar, in my opinion.)
I don't suddenly become the Hulk, but I go into a spiral of negative thoughts, like 'am i not good enough?' 'So they like her more than me.' 'Do I make things awkward here and many more.'
Gosh, I really need to handle this. It's not that I hate myself, but this spiral leads me to the point of putting down and even hating myself. So i'm thankful I read these posts.
This is gonna be a challenge.

I know how you feel. I went to a seminar and got introduced to a book called "Anger is not an Emotion" by Jeanette Kasper. It was helpful in understanding anger. Still very hard to change, but does give some good tips.

I could never tell you for sure why you have the attitude that you do but your dad rage problem might have had more of an effect than you think. After years of listening to it you probably learned to deal with it by blocking out emotions. I too have a rage problem and always have a burning sensation like I'm about to freak out. I never used to be like this until my parents got a divorce and let me tell you, it was a rough one. The way my body dealt with this stress was by shutting everything else out to make it look like I wasn't affected. It's hard I know but your not the only one out there, I've been asked that question and like you couldn't give a good answer. Just hang in there and know your not alone. - God bless and I hope you get through the anger :)

I'm 18 years old and going to my local college to become a police officer. I was a "difficult" child to say the least, always fighting against the tide of everyday life. Always getting in fights and arguments till this day. I am an only child and my parents are honestly my best friends. Every friend I had growing up abandoned me to acquire the next best thing. I always rejected guys who asked me out and throughout school people were scared of me. I didn't go around beating up people for fun or anything like that, they just said I give off a feeling of "someone not to be messed with" so no one willingly fought me on anything. The thing that always was weird is that I would defend people if they were getting beat up/bullied and they would still be terrified of me! I was even told on two separate occasions (teacher and a classmate) that if anyone would bring a gun to school and start shooting people, it would be me! I was floored! I didn't think I was perceived that way. I have also been told that I could be seen as a villain. Goofy right? I supposedly have a "pissed off look" on my face constantly and that I need to smile more. I am angry even if it is a good day for me. The one thing that made me happy was my boyfriend who I love dearly. We have been together for years, he is my first boyfriend, I was so mad when he asked me out because he was my best friend. I told him "No" out of anger but then I regretted it when I realized I loved him. Just this morning I flipped out when we couldn't find a parking spot fast enough. My boyfriend asked me a question I could not answer,"Why are you so angry all the time?" I felt scared when he asked me that, I felt that he could be asking himself why he would want to spend the rest of his life with a crazy out of control person? I truly believe I am a nut, I have been told that I am bipolar (jokingly). Who knows? I did a personality test and it used these words to describe me: impulsive, headstrong, irritable, impatient, and aggressive. Does that sound like good qualities for a police officer to have? No. I will admit that I am scared for my future, I don't know if my emotions can be suppressed fully much longer. Do I have a mental problem? I just can't up and go to a therapist, I do not have very much money.

I get mad alot but mainly because i hold so much in maybe your like me upset because lifes so unfair and annoyed because nobody understands you

It feels good knowing there are people similar to myself, going through the same thing. It feels like anger is the only emotion I've ever known. My anger problem started at a young age, I was agressive and I used to yell and hit and fume all the time. My mother used to always say thing in her anger that made me feel even worse about it. She was never cruel but it felt like I was just a horrible child and I recall her once saying that "she didnt know what she'd done to have a child like me". It just made me more upset and my sadness somehow always turned to anger.y whole life I have been in an internal struggle with myself. I dont want to be so angry and hateful all the time but I can never seem to control it, I am just so angry inside even when I try to smile or say I dont care about something, I feel the fury inside me. The worst part is that I feel as though I have no one to blame but myself. I grew up with a loving family, they werent perfect but I feel as though I was the biggest imperfection. A lot of people dealing with similar anger issues have prominent reasons. Like abuse as a child, but I had a pretty okay childhood. So it feels like its just me, like I am just a bad person. I am a genuinely good individual, i am respectful and kind to others. I am responsible and I do good in school and work. But i am so angry onside all the time. I just want to know why I am such a hateful person. I dont even see how I can "fix" it anymore, I feel like anger and hate will forever be who I am and it sucks.

I will be praying 4 u. Yess u can be passive. I get like that. I go to church. Get help. We all need someone to talk to. God bless

atraktivaisoo7, I'm sorry I upset you as that is never my intention. I was only trying to help, but understand that you want none of my help. Again, I'm sorry.<br />
<br />
Odwalla,<br />
<br />
Thank you for understanding. God Bless You.

im always mad i dont knw y but im i will need to find help be for i do someyhing wrong to mynself it hurt me to put my family thow this i cry when i get mad at the do any body know were i can get help form

i am an angree person, i believe it is due to jeliousy and bad relationships with women. i go to the gym every day, most people working out helps them with stress. for me i just feel stronger, faster and ready to get out after the gym and try to prove it to someone. i smoke weed every day trying to stay calm. alcohol makes the anger 10 times worst. i got kicked out of my bestfriend bar last night because i started calling people pothetic little *******, and using bad language across the whole bar. i was not mad at anything, i just have a violent energy that needs to be the center of attention. i find myself alienating myself from more and more friends each day. thinking they are out to get the next girl i bring around, or need to use me for something. i have been medicated before and it did not help, so far weed is the only thing that will keep me from exploding over small stuff. i actually wanted to go to a head doctor to see if there is something in my brain that makes me more violent and angree than most people. i can not own any guns because of the fear of what i might do if i had one. most my friends are afraid of me, not physically.....just afraid of what a scene i might cause. i want to change so bad, no relationship has ever worked and i had to start my own business because i am unfit to work with business has a 5 star rating and great reputation....its the only thing i know i have to keep my cool about or a bad reputation could spread so fast over the internet with ratings and all. i have a huge heart and always willing to help people, i have found its best for me not to help people because when they dont do the same in return it causes me to snap, and loose another friend. does anyone know to calm this moster that lives inside of me ?

Blo1231, are you still there?

I did a search on the topic and found this...<br />
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I have been "angry" for as long as I can remember. I can remember being at a very young age and my mother would pull up, let's say, to the video rental store (pre-blockbuster days) and I would run inside to return the movie and when I would return to the car she would say, "what happened in there??!!" I would say, "nothing, why?" She would tell me that she thought something must have gone wrong based on the look on my face...and the rest is history. So goes the story of my life...always looking angry...even when I'm not. <br />
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All my life I have been told that I always look serious and angry even when I am feeling perfectly fine. Like you, the smallest things set me off and I find myself giving too much time, energy, and thought to things that I shouldnt. <br />
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Okay, so the guy walking down the street didnt have the same courtesy as I did and neglected to try to avoid bumping shoulders with me as I did to him...maybe he is just not aware of it, maybe he doesnt show the same courtesy? But why then am I filled with these images and thoughts of me pounding his head into the cement or picking a fight with him and calling him out for his lack of courtesy? <br />
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Its simple things like that that consume me and take up too much of my time, time that I should be concentrating on more important things I am sure that the guy walking past me on the street isnt thinking about 2, sometimes 3 hours later...??<br />
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I have always noticed that people walk on egg shells when they are around me. It started with my family when I was younger and now that I am grown, I see it in co-workers. <br />
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I have a lot of acquaintances but no friends. I dont hang out or socialize with friends and I think its because I have never trusted anyone enough even if for no reason at all. <br />
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It saddens me because I am a really nice guy actually. I actually have a very sensitive side to me. The side that cries at certain movies (hate to admit that, actually). <br />
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I am the middle child. I have both an older and younger sister. My Mother was obsessed with my older sister and lived through her since her parents (my Grandparents) were very strict and never let her do anything. My Father...he was obsessed with himself. He always told me that I was better than everyone else but never quite taught me how to be just the best that I can be. He would intimidate me and threaten me if I made an error while playing sports as a much that I shyed away from sports. So much so that I dont know alot about them so I miss out on the conversations that the guys have at work now that I am older...another social handicap, if you will. <br />
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The way I like to describe it is that my parents supported me but never gave me their support. <br />
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I grew up seeing domestic violence between my parents whether it was yelling, breaking things or hitting one another. Of course since my Dad was the man I assumed that he was always the wrong one, the instigator, and my Mom always the victim. <br />
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Now that I am older I realize that is not necessarily the truth that I thought it was and I have a lot of resentment towards the both of them. <br />
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I am very creative and have a ginourmous imagination. All of my report cards said the same thing, "if only he would show his whole potential." My Mom would not show my Dad any tests that I failed or any bad grades in fear of my Dad. Of course as a kid, I am not going to complain about that but now that I am older I wish that things were different. I wish that I was given the proper discipline instead of just sweeping things under the rug, as they say. <br />
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I had something traumatic take place in my life that had a huge impact on me and I am still having trouble dealing with things even though they happened a few years ago. I am filled now more than ever with insecuirites and doubts and I have lost a confidence that I used to have. <br />
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I have found a way to numb the pain by self medicating with marijuana...a temporary fix, I know. I think that I need medication to help me focus more and I welcome any positive change that I can get. <br />
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I dont smoke takes very little for me to get into what I call, "the zone," where I feel more focused, more relaxed. It slows down the thoughts that run wild in my head almost as if playing out like a never-ending movie. But I still dont like that I have turned to marijuana the way that I have. <br />
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I am depressed...unhappy about the decisions that I have made and by others that have brought me to where I am in my life today. I dont have the balls to "off" myself but wish I had the courage at times to just step off that platform when I see the train coming. My wife and my dog keep me grounded however. <br />
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I am scared though because I believe that I self sabotage myself and wonder when I am going to do it again. I grow tired of this fight that I have with myself and just want to give up at times. I actually look towards death as a means to end my suffering and that thought in itself bothers me...<br />
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I hope that we both find the answers we are looking for...and soon. Good luck...

I am not sure how I ended up reading your story, but I know the feeling that you are describing... If I understand correctly, you are not being thrown into a fit or a rage because someone took your parking place, you just seem to be in a perpetual state of negativity. This is exaclty the same problem that I have been dealing with for the last two years. My friends and family seldom comment on it, but I can tell that it has become a problem, simply because nothing seems to be a great time. I used to be the kind of person that couldn't wait to go on a trip or go to a party, etc. But now, things are different. I rarely look forward to anything and then, once I am there, it's just okay. Nothing seems memorable, because I am constantly reacting to everything from a negative stand point. I don't know why this is happening to me and I think that I may be to the point where I am overanalyzing my situation. But I have several ideas regarding the cause. I guess that I will just list it all out and maybe one of these will apply to you. I hope this is helpful to you. I am probably not the best person to be giving advice, but maybe something here will spark your interest and you will be able to make a change. Who knows. <br />
I have had a few things happen in my past with my family; nothing extremely terrible, but I don't think that I dealt with them properly. My sibiling chose to pursue a life of drug use and abuse... my parents did not know how to handle it and I ended up getting kicked around in the meantime. Stuff happens, none of this is my parents' fault, but I can't help feeling a little resentful towards them for not stopping it. <br />
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I have always been determined and ambitious and my friends and family have always expected me to go far. People are always surprised to find that I have not accomplished every feet in life. I am very young to already be at the point that I am in right now, and still it feels like I am a million miles away from my goal. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to expectations. I hold myself to a very high standard and I am hard on myself when I do not immedietly reach my goals. I am equally hard on those around me when they do not live up to the standards that I have created for myself.<br />
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Two years ago I left an amazing town and came to a very small town... constant judgement, mediocre people and ideals, very little culture, NO nightlife. I don't like my geography right now and I want to change it. When I moved, I gave up a very large paycheck in order to pursue a career that will not bear any fruit for a couple of years, so my income is a little barren compared to what it used to be.<br />
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I am very creative and artistic and I have little opportunity here to express myself or to find inspiration. <br />
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And now that I have given you the run down of the negative aspects of my life (which really reflects my character right now) I can tell you that I now know what my problem is... I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the little things. I have stopped making the best of every situation and every opportunity. I have allowed myself to blame my surroundings for the way I feel. I have started to let the negative aspects of my life control my mental well being. I have got to find a way to get back to the carefree perosn that I used to be. I hve no idea how to do that, but I know that once I have run this course I will find a way. Sometimes hope is all you need to change your mental outlook. I hope this was, in some way, helpful to you. I'm sure that you have a lot riding on your shoulders right now, as do I. Best of luck.

LKRK: <br />
-I was raised in a very christian household but my personal beliefs towards religion as whole has drastically changed, my view of god is confusing, but it makes sense to me. <br />
-When I get angry, it is usually over worthless things. However, when something simple does trigger that anger it just swells like a dry sponge submerged in water. To suppress it, I usually take a long shower or work out heavily.<br />
- I have a wonderful girlfriend, and honestly she really never sees this side of me because I am afraid if she does, she will leave me. No children, but I do own a house and live comfortably.<br />
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Brio: <br />
-I usually suppress the majority of it, but when i do get angry over something, it stays with me for the entire day. I will walk down the street and want to fight everyone and every little thing that does not go my way annoys the hell out of me. And yes, little things do make me angry, but sometimes its at myself. It is like a continuous cycle because I get mad at the way I feel, and if I cannot change the way I feel about something it drives me up the wall!<br />
- As far as drinking goes, I simply cant, it is like a catalyst to my anger, whether it is fights with other guys or my girlfriend, especially lately, hence my outreach for help.

Is you anger all the time or does it come on out of nowhere? For many years I would be angry for seemingly on reason at all. I'd be fine then some little thing like losing a parking place would set me off. I finally found a doctor that idenified my and as "intermittent anger snydorme". I take a medicine for sizures now and the greater part of my anger has gone. I'm still get angry but it is under control and I find my life is much happier. I'm also lucky to be in AA so I can use the steps to work through my anger

I'm sorry you feel so angry inside. Remember, only you can change that. If you believe in God, I know he will help you to. What seems to make you angry all the time? Are you married? Have Children? Have a job and a house to live in and food on your table?<br />
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I wish you the best possible luck with changing to a more positive person.

**** your ******* GOD !!! ****, how can people be so annoying ?! **** YOU AGAIN!!!!

really easy to hate, and act asinine when our on the other side of a computer isn't it.