I LaughedMy friend is very caring, sweet and supportive. He has listened to most of my life's stories and has always respected me and shown me that he is there for me no matter what. He does not share as much about his own feelings and experiences, but I have tried many times to understand why he is depressed and pessimistic about himself.
Last night we were together in bed, talking about a couple of last things before going to sleep. We had a wonderful weekend together and everything felt right, when suddenly we started talking about fist fights. I bragged about one of my violent stories when I beat someone and then he suddenly said once when he was around 10 three kids grabbed him after school and started beating him telling him he was a "chicken".
One of his neighbors passed by when this was happening and he screamed for help, but he ignored the fight and just walked on by. I have no idea why, but my first reaction was to LAUGH. He was telling the story in a very casual tone and I had no idea it was something that affected him so much, so smiling I kept on asking for details until he said that when the neighbor did not help him, he "lost all his faith that anyone would ever help and closed himself". In that moment I realized this was a very serious issue and that I had ruined everything with my stupid insensitive reaction.
All I could think about was to get up and go to the bathroom to wash my face. I felt the most stupid person in the world and when I went back to bed he was almost in tears and asked me WHY I reacted like that. I said I didn't know and said I was sorry, and then we turned the lights off and he went to sleep. I was awake most of the night wondering why I did that and feeling terrible because finally he started opening up to me and I am just one more of the people who have let him down.
An hour ago I sent him a text message to apologize again about what I did and he replied that he couldn't understand why I laughed and that he wants us to talk about it when we see each other in the evening. I have no idea what to tell him and most importantly how to show him he can count on me and trust me. It sucks because I know most likely I ruined it all :-(
sweetmeisje 26-30, F 4 Responses 1 Feb 27, 2012