I Am A Bad Older Sibling

I have always been a self-depreciative person, with an introverted personality. I am also very naiive, and unaware of the true consequences of my thoughts, words, and actions on myself and others. Although for the most part I do not believe I am truly evil or bad, the things I have done have had negative effects on people. My younger siblings are doing the things I stupidly did in the past to show off to them now, and I don't know what to do or say. Any time I try to help them or teach them something I end up preaching some nonsense. I wish I could be a role model or at least a decent older sibling. If I was my own younger sibling I would HATE me. Ugh I am so lost. It's 3:30 am where I live and I'm sure that I'll see this rant after I wake up and feel like an idiot.
I hope I didn't mess them up too badly. They always tell me "Why don't you just leave," and right now I wish I could. It's so cliche, but I really do wish I had never been born. Or I could die saving someone, so that at least I know I had a positive effect on somebody's life.
****.
LostInTransit LostInTransit
18-21
1 Response Jul 19, 2010

They'll come around, trust me. Relationships between siblings can be weird. Only once they reach your age and start having the same experiences as you have now do they start to "get" it