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...and I Love It.

I am a bad person because people mean nothing to me. I have no attachments to anyone therefore I do not care for anyone. Because I do not care I use and abuse others in order to attain my own selfish desires and I have to say I am quite content with that. Sometimes I play around with the idea of being able to care about someone, but then I realize that every imperfect person has a flaw, and in those flaws you will find disappointment, and once you are disappointed you may feel hurt- now why would anyone want that? So, I maintain my dissociative behavior, its healthy for me, and it feels great. On occasion I will tell people when I meet them the kind of person I am for fun, it seems to increase the reward once I get them to fall into my intricate web of games. If I can manipulate someone to do something that I explicitly explained I was going to manipulate them to do; well that's just skill. Anyone want to play?
PerpetualAmbivalence PerpetualAmbivalence 22-25, F 18 Responses Mar 7, 2011

Your Response


you sound like a sociopath.

Nothing special to see here folks, she's just upset that she got hurt by somebody in the past and is trying to put on a front of being emotionally stronger than she really is. Pretty sad.

Sorry but I don't think you even begin to fit the profile of a bad person....more like a typical incredibly bored teenager. Don't the people games get a bit tedious? Maybe a new hobby is in order?

That You inform them up front of that which they may experience with You on an emotional level is something quite brilliant, especially when it is they who then come to You. What more invitation does one, i.e., You, need to begin using them to meet Your own ends. How can that be selfish when they are essentially offering themselves to You knowingly AND willingly? (grins)

@logotrix<br />
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Do not worry my dear, the last thing I have in mind is reproduction; I hate children.<br />
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just don't reproduce.

i say this truly: i would hate to be you alone in a room with you. i wonder how you feel and act when you let your guard down and don't force isolation or hate upon yourself or others.. and it's there, but sadly you won't let yourself enjoy the reality you could be living. i'm sending you positive energy, and wishing you a good life.

Topgardener and Residentpluto are both sociopaths

You can accuse PerpetualAmbivalence of one or two things. But illiteracy isn't one of them. I think she expresses herself pretty well. And she doesn't write "your" when she means "you're".

@PerpetualAmbivalence your illiterate. Anyway what goes around comes around baby, but thats what your really talking about isnt it? your learned behavior of using and abusing people with little or no retribution is what your talking about. the people you use probably just want to help you and when they see they cant they move on learning from their experience hopefully or destined to get screwed over by someone else. however, you are only turning yourself into a monster and that happiness you think you feel is empty retribution against your own design which truly only shapes yourself.

@pigeon03<br />
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Honey, that's what this web site's for!

@residentpluto<br />
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Either I am illiterate or none of that was in English.

i think like you, i agree with 100% of it, the abuse of people... is everywhere. one time, met this guy who was real swell... i thought... good guy, wuts up with that.... why he gotta talk like that, act like that, live like that.... then i wonder wats reallly swimming in that fish bowl of a brain. what he does and doesnt get out of those sugary coated white words, well i studied shall i say... through him talking, of course casually, he uses his kindness to get friends, he gets friends lots of them... loves it, all the love. and then theres you... with no friends. is what he thinks. told this one guy imma break yo mutha ****** heart boy you see... he juss shruggs like no deal... oh i was good. i am peoples mirror, once i figure out wat you want wat you like, wut u dont, wut u pretend to, verse wut u think, wut u feeeel. i take advantage of that great gift... because its so easy, like a snaps... and me? you never know who i am.... the biggest secret youll never know.

I rolled my eyes like six times through this; honey, you just got yourself a platform.

@TopGardener <br />
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You know I have been saying that since I was 12 years old and people always found a way to contradict it. There is not one thing we do in this life that doesn't benefit us in some way. Even those who enjoy helping others do it because they ENJOY it. True altruism is as idealistic as successful communism; nice idea but its never going to happen. As far as me meeting the right guy you may be right, but my problem is that as soon as the relationship becomes a problem my feelings of what I thought was love are no longer present. I am not one who depends on others and I do not enjoy the notion that someone else can have such a strong effect on my actions and emotions.

I call upon my meager experience to say this, but in that experience I have never heard of a female speaking of these levels of detachment, refuting of altruism and espousing the unlikeliness of success in human affection occurring in connections.
I don't usually go out on a limb like this but here goes; you are a man.

I admire your capacity for self-analysis. People show love partly because they want love in return. So, you could say it's selfish behaviour - I think 'self-referential altruism' is the technical term. I sometimes even think becoming a parent is a selfish act. After all, people have kids because they want to, not out of a sense of duty to the unborn child. Love is a form of dependence to which we willingly submit, or at least most of us. I predict you will too, one day. I guess you haven't met the right guy yet ...

@Antitype<br />
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Your ability to derive an inference from thin air is astounding. It appears we have a psychic in our midst!<br />
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Yours is truly a gift.

You're pre-depressive. Best of luck to you.