A Part Of Me I Don't Understand

I got reminded of a part of me I don't really like yesterday. I was at a Big Lot parking lot , when a man walked up. (Friendly type),  He ask me if I could spare a little change. I didn't have any to spare, but we talked for awhile. I told him I was staying at a homeless shelter. I guess he had stayed there before. He told me that was a good way to ask for money from passer byes. I watched him ask a few people and they gave him money left and right. We talked a little longer and I said I had to go. I had never ask anybody for help. I don't think its pride. I just don't know how.  I still had to wait till five o'clock to get in the shelter, so I went down to the Walmart parking lot.  I set there for about twenty minutes just thinking. I wonder why, I can't get myself to ask for help . This old gentlemen came back to his car beside me.  It was a very fancy car, probably a new Lincoln .  He looked at me and asked if I needed any help?  Of cource the first words that popped out of my mouth were, No I am OK and thanked him. He got in his car and drove away. That hit me kind of hard. Very few people have ever asked me if I needed help. I felt my cold heart melt a little as he drove away.  I thought to myself , He did help me more than he will ever know just by asking.  I wish I knew how to except help when I know i need it though.  Maybe life wouldn't be so hard.
kidkeith kidkeith
51-55, M
10 Responses May 17, 2011

lovely to see someone thinking like this and writing it down here :D<br />
Friday 13 is okay! :)

Its not bad to accept help nor is it bad to turn help down. I have learned that it is also giving and being helpful when accepting help from others because it also gives them joy to give back to others in need in their community. It helps them to be a better person too in more ways than one. Perhaps the next time someone asks if you need help, you may accept it, or share with them how their just caring to ask you has helped to warm your heart. This is a beautiful story you have written. Thank you.<br />
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btw, all though it is cold there where you are, I hope you do find what you need there. I love Colorado. I wish to move there myself someday.<br />
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In loving-kindness, and many blessings to you from where ever it comes from - Ace

I live by one rule. Ask for help when you need it. Tell yourself this over and over. When the time comes and you need help like every single person on this earth does, say yes. We are here to support each other. Sometimes I like to think of moments like this as gifts. Open the gift and see what it is. It might be exactly what you needed to change your life. You will get another chance just remember say yes. We live and we learn. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks very much for this.

kidkeith, I adore you , you have the sweetest nature, very endearing. Let me help you. I want to be a new friend and tell you of a place you can live for two years , no rent or food or bus fair. Its in anaheim and I pray you will call asap. I'll write you mail.

i have left anaheim, i am in colorado now , i thank you for your kind thought though

You are a strong individual, and you are sensitive and hugely witty. You are an intriguing soul. You are not "bad" anything but bad.

you find it hard to ask for help because you dont need it yet. thats what i think but i might be wrong. i think you are an honest person and that you will automatically ask for help when you need it. what would you have asked for from the man who offered help? would you ask him for money? i think not.

and that's the case with most people... You're right

It's funny how those little things mean so much . <br />
I also have a hard time asking or accepting help , it's almost like I feel I don't deserve it .

I hate asking for help too.My life would have been much better if I asked or accepted help. Maybe you feel it will make you weak by not managing by your own. Strangest feeling, I always feel I lose something dunno what, if I ask help. You are not a bad person because of this. Maybe you don't like to feel endebted to anyone. I like to help anyone if I can, but don't like to be helped, because I always feel I owe something afterwards, and I don't like to have debts on my conscience.

I can understand that. About the not wanting to feel I owe something afterwards and not liking to have debts on my conscience. There are those who do not ask for anything in return. Like you they like to help anyone if you can. I have learned that it is also giving and being helpful when accepting help from others because it also gives them joy to give back to others in need in their community. It helps them to be a better person too in more ways than one.

oh keith! that doesn't make you a bad person! just because you've lived your life as independently as possible....and now, things are different. please don't say you have a cold heart. you don't. and there is a difference, to me, in panhandling and the scene with the man in the car. it he hadn't cared he would have never given you the time of day. accept those who reach out to you, dear heart.. and some day you will be the one extending your hand to someone less fortunate :)