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I Betrayed Everyone I Was Care Of

This will be my confession from last two years.
I don’t wrote this for advice. And I don’t wrote for excuse.
I just want to throw this from my chest, and don’t be forced to look In your eyes, when you will be judging me.

I know I’m coward. I know I’m bad person. I know I’m just a*shole.

Few years ago I fund out, that my father has affair. My parents almost get divorce, but they get agreement somehow. But then it was first time, when I promised to myself and my mother, that I never become like my father.

Later I get marticulation (or whatever in english is exam after high school), and went to college. In this time it was obvious, that my father is hiding something. Close to the end of first semestr I fund out, that he get over 100 000 debt by gambling. We almost lost our apartament and I thought, that I will have to leave college. That was second time when I promised to myself and my mother that i never become like he.
Happily none of this doesn’t happend. But I started skip classes. At the beginning I can tell, that this was because of my father. Because I lost my first, and most important authority. But the truth is, that I just get used to doing nothing all day.
I conceive a history about “bad professor, who like to fail few student at every semester” and this will be end, but then I get the letter from dean’s office, that I get expelled.

Later my family convinced my mother to give me second chance and I was back in college.
And story was repeated. In meantime I want to go to external studies, but my mother asked me to stay in one last semester.
I was file a claim form for repeat these semester and I almost survived these few months, but then I get letter from dean’s office again.

Nevertheless I don’t watn to tell whole truth to my mother.

I willingly want to end with myself. This would be easier, than tooking into eyes of my family, when I lost every bit of trust from them. But I’m catholic.

You can name me by different invectives, but please. “Not son of a b*tch” or nothing like that. My mother is a good person, who just had a f*cked up son.

PS. Sorry if you can't understand something. English isn't my first language.
adamcio12 adamcio12 22-25 1 Response Nov 14, 2011

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u r nice person adamcio :) u r a nice person :)