Confessions Of A Bad Girl Wannabe

I'm not a badass. But I PLAY one on EP. Sometimes. Other times I write sappy, serious crap. This is because I haven't cut my badass wisdom teeth yet. But I'm working on it.

I am a deep admirer of the badass pioneer woman who can pop out a baby on the way to chop a cord of wood. That sort of woman then hoists the baby AND the wood back home to cook dinner while nursing that pup! I also admire badass chicks like Angelina Jolie. That gal had wildin' out kinky sex with Billy Bob Thornton for pete's sakes! THEN she grabbed her old man back from Jenny Sweetheart and kept him tied to her vagina for - what - like almost 10 years now? *shaking head admiringly* -- THAT's power.

I want to be LOUD and brazen. Unafraid to have my voice heard. I don't EVER want to be afraid again to say "Nuh uh -- that's not right!" When I'm a REAL badass, I'm gonna QUIT my job. But I wanna do it with come badass creativity. I want to anonymously leak internal memos that indicate acceptance of the "business risk" not to pay people fairly -- (maybe I'll animate the memos and have them do a sultry bump & grind to some rap music a' la Tom Cruise in that movie "Tropic Thunder") -- THEN I'll offer to represent all the plaintiffs and make a KILLING off the legal fees -- at company expense. Yeah, THERE'S my bonus, Suck-errrs! If that's too much work, maybe I can just rig a humvee to crash through the plate glass windows. I'd wipe the prints, of course.

I wanna have a "Conceptual Art ****." Heck, I'd like maybe 2 or 3. According to author Susan Jane Gilman in "Kiss My Tiara", this is the kind of sex badass chicks HAVE -- just to say they did! Glass elevator . . . husband's grave . . . on a buffet table --while the buffet's on it!! Now THAT's living!

*sigh* It's a pipe dream. I know. But just today I told my weakass personal trainer that she'd better quit ******* around and give me her full attention during my $50 per 30min. session! Well . . . okay. What I ACTUALLY said was:

"Ummm, T? I know that as owner of the gym you're pretty busy around the time I come in, and I, like, TOTALLY understand that, so I wondered if you thought it might be a good idea for me to work w/one of your other trainers? Because I want you to know, while I love working with you -- I truly wouldn't mind!"

Yeah. What?! SHUT UP! At least I was THINKING assertive -- that counts! So it was, like, a step in the right direction, okay?! Don't MAKE me leap off this page and mess you up!

*YAH!* (scowling & lunging menacingly)
Colormevibrant Colormevibrant
46-50, F
9 Responses Aug 4, 2010

Cute story...Thanks for wanting to be....perhaps workin on it here may help you in real life, best of luck :)

hows the badass thing going???

Well thank YOU for askin! :-D Not too bad, actually! New personal trainer -- down 70lbs & counting. Still working on being brazen & doing something about workplace fairness, but the conceptual art thing was FUN! :-)

:) I've got to say i love this story.....!

New avatar, eh? :D Working on the old one? I am. Seeya'!<br />
<br />
(It's 0317 and I'm thinking about going to brush my teeth and maybe head to sleep. You've got sugarplum faeries dancing in your head and will be waking up any minute... What a crazy world!)

4:51am is actually "up early" for me. When I'm being a "good girl", I hit the treadmill @ 5am. When I'm slacking off, I kill time on EP! :-) Glad u enjoyed my whimsy. Would love to read some of your work one of these days!

Wow! You sure write good! Have been discovering and enjoying your work a lot. Was being up at 0451 late, or early? For me it would be just a little late. Have been a night owl at least since my teens, that I know about. Unlike you, I DEFINITELY have ADD, may have had it my whole life but been smart enough to fake it, and can't imagine keeping on track enough to write a book. Have been working on a screenplay though.

Lord Woman! 4:51 AM!!!!!!<br />
I'm barely alive at that hour and there's no way I'll trust my sleepy reaction time to handle whatever you have behind your back. Get back to me in the evening and we'll see what we'll see about who'll do what to whom.

awww . . . newdayyyyy (advancing smilingly w/hands hidden behind back), come on. You don't REALLY think I'd hurt ya! Do you???? ;-)

~~~~backin up here~~~~ Whatever you say momma!

*giggle* Right back atcha LL! Must've written this one on a humdinger of a day! :-)