Illegitimate

i'm 43.  My father was in his early 60's and married when he had an affair with my mother.  She was in her early 40's. 

By the time I was a few years old the relationship was over.  He left and I never saw him again. 

She said over the years that he had two daughters.  He had legal papers drawn up that stated I wasn't his.  That he wanted her to have an abortion.  But she wanted me for only her.  Success.  Neither of us was happy.  She married an abusive alcoholic.  He drank himself to death by the time I was 10.  Welfare and poverty.  No other family.  "Very" isolated existence.  She died at almost 83 last year.  I'm all alone now.  Only hers.  No family, no friend, no reason to be here.  Trying to make sense of it all and looking for answers I'll never find....

Linda268 Linda268
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

dude....I hope u r still with us. I would say that you need to do something like, mentor others, don't feel a victim - I would save some money - min 500 - go to London or any big local city - and treat yourself. Nice frock, nice treat and do something differenet for a day. That will lead to two dayss and then more. Feel free of bad thoughts, no more that 2 donuts at once!

You need to find a way to be here for you.