Man, If Only I....

Man if only i didnt do the things that ive done, i would always be happy seeing her, i want her but ive done these things, why am i feeling this way?? if only i could kiss her once. since i was 14 i had a crush on her, 3 years later she wants tp add me on face book, i thought those feelings were gone but there were still there. I lost track of my goals and do anything to be with her, but i still have done these homosexual experiences and they will never go away, man if i hadnt done those things i would be happy with her. But i still like her, i cant believe i really waant her, ive dreamed of her when i was 14, those dreams looked like premonitions to me, i got obsessed with them, always thinking they will come true any second. She motivates me, its so wierd that she finds me on face book out of nowhere and my reaction stays the same around her. I thought those feelings went away since im 17 now. what the hell, i am starting to think my hetero sexual side will never go away, i always get these thought about me and her hanging out, me smooching me, me hugging her really close, i thought i was lying to myself overlooking the fact that i went both ways. i havent fully explored ,my sexuality yet, since i have never did it with a girl. i sometimed imagine that and it turns me on also. I thought it would leave but its still there, always doubting that it happened. what am i really, pansexual? hetero romantic? there is so much to learn, my infatuation(crush) for her. its wierd because we are completely opposite but at the same time, we are the same, the things we normally do. But what i did in the past wieghs me down always, saying to myself that i can never get her, how?? it lowers my self esteem. when i daydream about her and stuff, it goes away. Man if only i get to see her one more time in real life, at least have the guts of how i feel.
PanMan23 PanMan23
1 Response Jan 12, 2013

It sounds like you are a fairly typical person. Sexuality firms up over time. You might remain bisexual or go towards either side. I'd recommend trying everything which appeals and letting every thing sort itself out later. Don't hide your sexuality. Be as open as you can. It will be best for you and those who know you.

thanks for the advice