You Are Kidding Right?

lmao...really you think so here let me lay out a ****** up life looks like then tell me is ti a big disappointment. I worte something call the forge of life once. People always tell you life is what you make of it...lies. No I had a sick mother that babied the crap out of me because she thought I would be her last. I did not even have to speak but point at stuff and her or my sister would give it to me. I remember this even my father yelling at my other about it and for her to stop it. I did not get out of diapers until I was close to five and could not stop have accidents for more years to come. I had dreams too about a much enjoyed life if there was all the confussion of thinking I was a girl at a young age. But I wanted to be something but when the school told my parents I was dyslexic they did not beleive them no they just moved us to another school. Yet again move move move. I had gone to four Elementry school which I know is not a recorded by any means but it did mean it made it hard to keep making friends. I mean you get to a point why try and have friends when you can't keep them. They finally believed I was dyslexic and let the schools take over there. Oh that was such a big help NOT! nope left in a room half the time by myself rereading the same simple sentences over and over again. There I was for seven years and then they throw me in below level classes all because I under stood bring and take go figure that one out. I had no clue what to do in the classes I was in by this point. No idea of how to study no idea how to really write. I only started writing stories on my own when I was 22 years old. I did not get into reading until I a job and started to read comic books because it was easier to read. Books confused me. By time I was 22 my bother gave me hitch hikers guild to the galaxiy and I was able to get through it in about a week. Reading is an impulse to me. I don't read unless I get this impulse writting is the same I need to have a need to do it or I don't. I am with drawn submissive by nature transgender who wishies she was still in dipaers. I have no trust in any living human on the face of the earth they all lie...I have been disowned by my family while I live my life as a woman. every person I told about who I am said I don't care we are friends then moved and changed their phone numbers. People who found out about me after I was a woman tried to kill me like nine time and not pretend try. Messed with my brakes run me off the road loosened my lugs on my wheels and the last attempt was poisoning in my water bottle at work. People tell me all the time get over it! go on with your life make something of your self You can do anything. What the bleep do they know...I can't get past the baby thing just wish I had died back then it would have been easier. I count myself as a functional lunatic even though there are no crazy people out there. Now you are telling me you are some kind of disappointment to how your mother your self. Is your mind so screwed up you can't think strait like myself. My mind runs in every direction I can't sleep but still I get up some how to provide the world with image of a fat man who deep down knows he is a girl. So what part of your life does not allow you to go on. I was molessed as a kid. My sisters boy friend **** with me when no one was you want more I have tons of this stuff so please get over it if you can my mind won't let me forget a dam moment of any of it. So you are telling me you can't read? you don't know where to go in your life. Sorry not buying it. I have never had any one in my life as much as I would like. I was always told there is some one out there for everyone not! right who wants to date a lunatic. But thanks to God and figure this one out I always thought it would be wrong to date some one who did not know the real me in other words lie about myself and so no one in my life which only adds to the pain in my soul of loneliyness. but please go on tell me how you can't change. As nuts as I am I now read more then I ever did in school. I write more even if it would be concider words of a lunatic but don't tell me becuase you are not rich or you don't have the speical something in your life you are down about where you are right now. I have had head aches all my life one lasted two whole months non stop my curent one is going on its 15th day. I know real pain and emotional pain hang up pain pain in my past and welling up needs from the past that demand emotional demands to be filled. sorry about this really
solarregeneration solarregeneration
41-45, T
Jul 23, 2010