At least I think... You tell me. Well, you see, I fell in love with my first and only love at 12, and it was a girl. I could never see myself in my female body (boobs and all) having sex with her, like it was "awkward" to think about I guess, but I had no problem imagining myself as a guy doing it. Before I met her I very much liked the idea of romance with guys, and enjoyed the thought of everyone seeing me and a boy in a happy, cute relationship. I didn't mind holding hands, kissing, or cuddling, but when a boy would bring up doing something sexual or trying anything sexual, I would get very annoyed. And the thought of doing anything sexual with a boyfriend never crossed my mind unless they brought it up.
But see, I almost think I simply just loved the idea of romance and not the guys themselves. Well, for one, I've never been in love with a guy, and I've never been infatuated with one. But back then I had a real problem with "cheating" on boyfriends, going out with 3 guys at once, breaking up with someone to go out with someone else, etc. Fast forward to 9th grade: I met my high school sweetheart. He, not knowingly, helped me get over the girl I was in love with. I adored/cared about him a lot, and thought he was adorable. Sometimes I just HAD to kiss him because he was so cute (I think more like you would a puppy or niece/nephew). I loved that I had the relationship and was content, and loved that he was liked by everyone, but I was never truly happy with him. I was open to sex feeling good with him, but after a while I realized it just wasn't going to and the thought of trying to make it feel good never crossed my mind; sex didn't feel good nor hurt and it kept him happy, and I very much preferred ************. So it was a win-win. I did feel the need to brag to my friends at the time that I was having so much sex though, which again just makes me think it was for attention. We eventually had a bad break up during my senior year. About a year later, a little while after I definitely realized I wanted to be with girls, there was a moment when I was on my way home from my guy friends, whom liked me at the time, new apartment and it had been snowing and he offered me his leather jacket and I had a thought on the way home "well, this is kind of romantic, and a good story to tell someone". But I knew I wouldn't be happy with him had I decided to be in a relationship with him... so, do you all actually think I'm a biromantic lesbian or that I just loved the idea of romance and enjoyed bragging about it?
Sarm9311 Sarm9311
22-25, F
Aug 17, 2014