The Meeting

So she excepted my friend requsted. And I did tell her who I was for a whole eight months. So his birthday is Dec 9 so december 8 she is on facebook says what she was going to do for his birthday my heart started beating really fast I started crying. So the day afterhis birthday I inboxed her and I told her who I was I told her that if she wanted to befriend me I will understand so she told me that she prayed for me and she was fine with it as long as there wasn't going to be any drama I told her I didn't want to get him back I just wanted to see pic and just to see how he was doing. So months went by she inboxs me a ask if I would make her a cake I'm a "chef" so I told her yes and she told me I could meet my son my heart filled with joy. I put my foot in that cake. So april first I meant my son. I kinds of things were going thru my head. But to my suprize we kicked it off great he came to spend the night the first night. I was scare to touch him I was scared he would catch me staring at him. A whole lot was going thru my head. The mother told me he had been beat by the adoption father. Someone had molested im. He was on the a lot of depression meds. So Ikdkdk started feeling like it was all my fault. Cause I was thinking he was going to have a better life than my first son. But that was far fhe case. I felt like ****. I felt like if he was going to go thru thi I should have kept him myself. Now I go over to see him everyday or every other day. Some times I feel like she is using me with him but just to be close to him I will do anything. Something I want to wash my hands with it but I feel like I will be walking out on him again I believe and I know she is on drugs. It is hard not knowing what to do! Its been two months now and its benn something e
janelleg janelleg
31-35, F
May 18, 2012