Being a Brithmom Is No Fun!

It will be 10 years in May.  I was 17 and I gave my beautiful twin boys away.  Time does heal, but some days are still just awful.  I have a hard time talking about it at all, I hate it that nobody (family or friends) says anything about it.  Why not?  I did something wonderful for my babies and I want people to know about it and be proud of me, and yet it's just not socially acceptable. 

Lately, I've been feeling more down about it.  I've been thinking how 10 years has gone by so quickly, and about how I'm nowhere near where I imagined I would be if I gave them up.  It makes me feel stupid, like I should've just tried to raise them.  The time has flown by anyway, money is tight anyway...I dunno.

eimaj eimaj
26-30
3 Responses Mar 5, 2009

"being a parent is more than taking care of them it's doing what you feel is the right thing for them even if it means losing everything you have and to me thats as best of a mother can get and good luck all my love goes out to you". xoxo- HUGS!!!!

I was 17 when I too placed my son up for adoption. That was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It took me a very long time to move on and try to do better with my life. I know the pain you are feeling and it doesn't ever really go away but I buried it so I could move on knowing that one day I would be reunited with him and that is what kept me going. He will be 30 in a few days and in 2001 I found a site called Adoption.com where I registered myselft in hopes that if he was ever told of his adoption he would find me. As the years went by I couldn't even remember the lawyers name that I went through on the adoption so I know that I buried alot of things deep within my soul but hoped once I was on the Adoption.com registry he would be able to find me and this past January he finally found Adoption.com and we have been reunited. It has been a very happy union and his adoption parents always told him of his adoption and helped him with the little bit of info they had - he is not bitter and told me he was told that i always wanted him but was too young to take care of him and once we have been reunited and been talking i told him that I awlays felt he was ok and that is what has kept me going and hangining on to improve myself so as never to be in that kind of situation again. He also said that he always felt that I wanted him and that he never shared with anyone about the voice he heard in his thoughts of me. He knew he was going to be ok and that he would find me some day. I hope this helps you to be able to keep going and know that one day you too may be reunited with your boys. Wishes and dreams never die but sometimes they take longer to achieve than one would want. I never gave up hope that he and I would find each other and after almost 30 years we are together. I still cry on my bad days when I think of the day of his birth and that I had to leave the hospital without him but I take my one day to cry and keep going. You have to keep going to be able to be there when you all find each other again.

You did a beautiful, selfless thing.