My name is Jennifer and I am a birthmother. I was 17 when I had my son and adoption was my choice because I loved him. I've grown up..I'm married, successful career, beautiful kids..and I love my son, still. I recently had the opportunity to chat with him after almost 20 years, and it is bittersweet. He is happy and healthy and perfect. And I want more. I realize that I gave up the right to have more, but it doesn't stop the want..where do I go from here?
Jensword Jensword
41-45, F
3 Responses Aug 27, 2014

what do you want from your child? if isnt a secret))

It's not a secret. I don't know what I expected to happen. Some selfish, glorious reunion, where I got to bring him into my family? I don't know how to answer that, but I will say that what I want has evolved. I want him to be happy. I would like to meet him. And that's really all I can say...I think he is perfectly happy as he is and doesn't require the same from me.

Ugh. Bad to worse. I should have joined a support group before I contacted my son. I have been weird and passive aggressive and a freakin trainwreck. And my son now thinks I'm nuts..and I'm afraid I just screwed up any chance that we will ever have a relationship. Oh my God. What have I done?? I blew it. Advice to any mother considering a reunion. Seek counseling.

Wow how special! Although I know just what you mean about it being bittersweet.

Does your son want more as well?

I can't tell you what you should do but I have decided when/if the time comes I'm going to let my son choose what he wants. I feel like he didn't choose the adoption. I did. While of course he couldn't choose at that time as an adult he can. It feels like the right thing for me personally.

Regardless of the outcome or what you decide good luck!

Thank you. We parted with a "talk to you soon". I feel like I have to let him make the next move. The impact of my decision did not hit me until now. Ugh.

You could do something very not aggressive such as an email or letter saying you would like more but you want him to choose what he feels comfortable with. That way he knows where you stand and can make an informed decision. It's such a complex relationship that I imagine it being hard to navigate particularly at the beginning.

Again regardless good luck!

Just an update...He's flying in to meet me October 23. I'm elated..

Great news! You must be feeling a million different emotions. I really like what lotstoday60 had to say. It may be a good idea to talk to others who have been down this path.

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