Bittersweet Such As It Is.....

For those who may not know what a birthmother  is; It's a woman who has given a baby up for adoption.

I have been a birthmom for 14 yrs. I have a open adoption ; therefor the adopted parents (in my case Mother, adopted father passed away when my child was 4 yrs.old) have allowed me to be in thier lives. I have another child that is his full blood sibling and am Married now. All of us have been pretty close for the most part. Life as a Birthmom is so frickin' hard , I thought that was what I wanted for us. So, many times in the 14 yrs. I have cried knowing that what I wanted for my son wasn't what he got. I mean I know that no one knows what the future holds for us. Such as his the death of his adopted Father.( the birthfather commited suicide when I was 4 months PG.) Finding out that his Mom has mental health problems , of course that was conviently left out of profile folder that the agentcy gave me too look through to pick a family out. And among many other things that happen in life. I thought this is such a wonderful thing to still see my child , I guess i should say her child she has raised him. To watch him grow up, he knows who we are and we ahve spent alot of time with him.  When I gave him up it was the best thing to do at the time. I thought they can give him a good life and money wise she has, But I realize that I could have done better for him. you see I failed to realize back then that LOVE is a very rich thing. I may not of been able to travel around the world and send him to private schools ; But, I  could have shown him the attention and parenting he has missed out on so much.