So Scared

So ive been married for few years now and i was never sure about my sexuality but after an intimate experience with a girl, i now realize that im bi. im so scared and lonely. i dont know what to do and cant tell anyone in my family or friends. does or did any one else feel this way? any advise on how to deal with it?
sporty9 sporty9
22-25, F
8 Responses Jul 22, 2010

Thanks again guys. I really appreciate all the support. I did come out to my husband and it was very difficult and nerve wracking. He was very angry at first but now he seems to be ok with the idea as long as I don't make comments about other women. He seems to be more comfortable if I said "that guy is hott" rather than "that girl is hott." I think he is getting use to the idea. I'm giving him time and space but he seems to accept me as who I am. I think he was frustrated and confused as to why. I explained to him and it wasn't his fault. I think he is coming along fine and we have become closer and share more.

I was out as bi before I met my hubby, so I didn't have this kind of thing to deal with. Though, I do with my blood family...<br />
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I agree that you should tell your husband, have a nice conversation about honesty and sex. If you'd like to have an experience with a woman, your husband most likely will be happy for you (especially if you don't leave him out).

i felt like i couldnt tell my family 4 a long time too. i've known i'm bi all my life. i'm 40 now and just told them in august. you can read my story if u want and u r not alone. that's what's so great about this website. send me a message if i can help n anyway. i'll say a litttle prayer 4 u. hang in there! :-)

thank you everyone for their comments are suggestions. You guys are awesome. I don't feel so lonely any more knowing that there are people like you who support me. Thanks again. <br />
Now, I'm trying to get comfortable with the idea that I'm bi. Its still scary but I'm slowly adjusting. I hope sometime in the future I can be comfortable enough to share it with my friends and family.

I keep reminding myself that it is not something i really need to share with the world. It is nice to have a few ppl who love u regardless to talk to. I really want to have someone who truly understands to talk to though

I know exactly how you feel. It can be very hard if you dont have anyone to talk about it with. My suggestion is that you get comfortable with the situation and the new feelings that you are having. Once you do that, nothing else matters. If other people know then fine, and if not thats cool too. Unless they are someone you plan to explore your sexuality with, there is no need to tell them. Your sexuality is not something that you need to shout from the rooftops. If your friends cant accept your sexuality then they werent your friends to begin with. As far as family, sometimes they dont get it, but I am a firm believer that family is family and they will love you regardless, though they might not approve. I wish you the best.

MY advice for you dear, is go with what makes you happy. ive been in this situation too. i actually used to be a lesbian until i started seeing my now husband.. it just depends what you want. you can still be attracted to girls without acting upon it, or maybe talk to yout husband about it and maybe you guys can make this an experience you both like together instead of you feeling alone in the dark... hope this helps!! god bless!!!

I so know how you feel. Going through something so intense and having no one to discuss it with, no one to listen to you without judging, no one to ask you the right questions. It's enough to make you go crazy in the head and ultimately maybe even do something rash. Don't let it get there.<br />
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Find an outlet. Write about it, read about it, if possible take the suggestion above and speak with the girl. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to tell me even though we don't really know each other, if it would help. Just remember that this is not a bad thing, it is just who you are.

My advice is to get comfortable with it first.. I mean as in YOU being comfortable with it. When you feel strong enough, I would your husband. <br />
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As for other extended family members, I don't see how your sexual life is any of their business, unless you plan on bringing girls you're interested in around them. <br />
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Don't rush yourself is the important thing. Come fully to terms with it on your own, and then bring other people into it. If you come from a really religious or bigoted family, then maybe you should keep it to yourself. As for friends not accepting you.. I think you have to ask the question if you really want friends around who won't support you fully in who you are.<br />
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I've always been honest and open about my sexuality (came out as bi to my mother when I was 13) and my husband and friends know. My mother is the only one in my family who knows, and I like it that way. The rest of my family is pretty conservative when it comes to things like that, so I can relate to your situation a bit. <br />
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Sorry if you're feeling lonely and like you can't talk to anyone near you. Bright side is--is that you can always come here. Are you in touch with the girl you had your experience with? I'm sure she would listen to your concerns too.