Newly Married To Bisexual WomenI'm 26 she is 25, we have been together for 5 years ish. When we first met she told me stories of experimenting with women once in highschool and then college. This turned me on so I would ask her about it in bed, and during sex she would whisper details about the experiences and it turned us both on. So that was all fine and dandy for the first 2 years. Then fast forward to me noticing on her computer that she was browsing women seeks women ads so I got defensive naturally as I felt out of the loop and out of control. She has a serious problem with feeling vulnerable (which she says talking about women makes her feel) and basically told me that women was just something that she "clicks onto" and then forgets about it after - she told me she only masturbates to girls, but is in love with me and thinks we have "great sex". But I know deep in my heart that the sex we have might get her off, but she's not 100% emotionally into it in the same way she was when she would talk about women during sex.
I'm still conflicted if I want to see her with women for my own sake, but I'm starting to really want to just see her in pure passion...you know? LIke I don't want her to have to have fantasy time separately from me. I recall on our first date I think she put leggings on me and I loved it!
So after my pushing her (which was a BIG mistake) to tell me more about how she feels about women, she backed away into a corner and hide the issue. Deep deep down and shut tight.
2 years goes by and we are getting along great as per usual (although I find myself ************ to lesbian **** to deal with the anxiety for some readon), I notice her checking out women often in public and watching black swan "thrilled her" she said. So last night I opened up to her about my sexually as she has caught me in the past sending pictures of myself on the internet to strangers. I told her being exhibitionist turns me on, plain and simple. and she was really happy because she said it "clairfied all these confused thoughts she had", so anyway after that conversation we were talking about gay vs bisexual and she got kinda blushed and said "I don't think I can just explain my sexuality like you" and I said "oh I don't expect you too"....so now we are at that point again where we need to have a conversation where she lets herself become vulnerable and open up how she feels about women. Although I worry about how to approach this now that we are married.
In my mind I just see her in 10 years with kids lusting after women, and feeling as thought she missed out on her true self. Plus she told me some shocking info which I need advice on. She said when she hit puberty she was attracted to girls first and then her mom told her that was wrong, so she listened to her mom and went after boys (flash forward to college and she's jumping her female roomate in a drunken fit) - So where to go from here. I know we need to communicate about this but I don't want to push her into a closet like I did last time.
I don't want to move forward and have kids with this issue under the table, what's the best route? I think we both fear that putting a girl in the middle could damage things, but maybe that's something she needs to understand now. Aside from sexual communication we have an amazing relationships, best friends, co writers, the whole nine yards. But everytime I see a women when I'm with her, I get tense because It's this "issue"...and now it's like when I walk by the L-WORD DVD in the video store with her it gets awkward.....i hate it!!
How can a women be with another women, and then fall in love with a man, and then just push away those feelings forever? I keep thinking having a 3-way with a working girl could be an answer (say on vacation) because then you are not emotionally invested....but this is a male perspective, she would probably get nothing from that and would rather be with a girl she knows.....